Well, it's been almost 1 month to the date since my last entry. That has to be some sort of a record. I think I've mentioned before that whenever I have a lot on my mind I tend to close up, rather than just spilling my guts here. Something about the thought of actual people possibly reading my thoughts makes me a little nervous about recording them at times; even though I'm mostly pretty transparent.
Clear as mud. Doesn't make a lick of sense at all...just call me Paula Abdul.
Sorry...couldn't resist. ;)
So, we are 33 weeks 6 days. I've been having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions over the past week. I guess that's a good sign. As much as I am anticipating seeing this little baby, I am sad to see the pregnancy come to an end. I love being pregnant and I'm pretty sure this is it for us, not by choice- but medically speaking. Regardless, we are blessed!
I am starting to get a little nervous about fitting this new life into our existing lives. Bayli is 5 1/2- she doesn't slow us down one bit. I am scared to death about starting over with an infant. Not sure if I even remember how to change a diaper, much less calm a screaming infant and the whole getting up to tend to the baby in the middle of the night thing- it's been a long time since we've done any of those things. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to pieces- but I am also fearful of the reality of it all.
I would also ask for all of you to begin to pray for me regarding the delivery. It is my deepest desire to have a good experience this time. My delivery with Bayli was simply awful. Emergency C-section after 3 hours of pushing, forceps, etc. As a matter of fact, if for some reason we had been filming for "The Baby Story"- I'm pretty sure they would have cut our story completely from the line-up. I'm not known for doing things the easy way- ever- and this was no exception.
We have a lot of complicated issues to work out regarding stopping the heparin in enough time, but not too soon; and the borderline gestational diabetes thing (which tends to produce a bigger baby plus after 38 weeks the placenta might begin to fail) so because of that they normally would induce, but because of the previous C-section they don't like to induce because of the trauma on my uterus.
So many people have given me so much grief over it all. Just forget my desires and schedule a repeat section. I am ok with that if that's what absolutely must happen. Trust me when I say that I haven't made it this far to mess it all up now over a delivery story. However, I also know that God cares for my desires. He is the one who placed the desires in my heart to begin with. I have a very strong to desire to experience a non-surgical, non- complicated birth. I desire to have an easier recovery than the 2-3 weeks that I experienced before; after all I have a 5 year old to consider as well. I think that the God that I serve is big enough to work all of this out, after all- He has blessed my womb after years of heartbreak. I'm sorry if it comes across as selfish- that is not my intentions. I simply want a good experience. I am blessed with a Doctor that is willing to work with me- regardless if a section is inevitable, then she has asked me to write down a few desires/wishes so that she can meet me half way in trying to create a positive experience. What a blessing and an answered prayer she is! How many Doctors would care that much? So, I am still praying and believing for Plan A, but we have some things in place to make Plan B better if necessary also.
Regardless of how it all pans out- we will be having a baby in a few short weeks! I have spent years trying to come to terms with the fact that I might never be able to say that; but God is faithful! And here I sit as proof that God does care, and He does answer prayers!
