Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Powers that "B"

When Bayli was about 18 months old she named her favorite blanket her "B". To be totally honest with you, we didn't even realize it was her favorite until she named it. The blanket came in a set with a little outfit, matching hat, socks and complete with the bib. It was precious and was one of my favorite shower gifts, given to me by my friend from high school, Brandi and her husband Gered. Of course she outgrew the little outfit when she was about 4 or 5 months old, and I packed it away for safe keeping. But the blanket stayed out. We had 2 or 3 blankets that we alternated; for swaddling when she was an infant, and for covering her up with as she got older. Apparently some where along the way, she picked a favorite...and she named it her "B".

"B" is still very much with us today. We don't allow her to drag it along like Lionus on Charlie Brown, but she probably would if we'd let her. She loves that blanket. Recently I was looking back at the scrapbooks that I've done since she was born. And I was amazed to see how many pictures has "B" in them. I wrapped her in it on her trip home from the hospital. I covered her with it on her first trip to the pediatrician. I also have a picture of her covered with it when she was about 6 weeks old and we were going to take her Christmas pictures. It has accompanied her on trips to Pennsylvania, Florida and Tennessee. Not to mention that it has comforted her during many ear infections, stomach viruses, 3 sets of tubes, an adenoidectomy, tonsilectomy and even a 3 day hospital stay this spring.

When I was pregnant last year, we were cautiously optimistic. I would love to say that we were just down right excited without a care or fearful thought in the world. However, that just wasn't the case. The day before Thanksgiving last year we had the first Ultrasound that showed a very strong heartbeat. Whew! We had made it past another hurdle in the pregnancy. The day after Thanksgiving we went Christmas shopping. I allowed myself to get a little excited and I bought a "B" for the baby. We didn't want to know what we were having, so I bought this soft baby green one. I love that baby green...so sweet. I kept that "B" on my nightstand so that it was the last thing I'd see at night and the first thing I'd see every morning. I wanted the sight of it to bring me to a place of excitement. I'll never forget walking into my bedroom after we got home from the hospital after my D&C...seeing that blanket on my nightstand. All that I could do was hold it and cry...thinking of the baby that this "B" would not swaddle. Jason put it away the next day.

The other day we were shopping for our trip to Tennessee and we went into Carter's to get Bayli a few things. We were looking around and suddenly Bayli said, "Mommy, I think we need to buy Grayci a "B"...she's going to need one you know." At first I hesitated because I hate to begin getting my hopes up, knowing that from the information that they're giving us that it'll likely be another year before we get her. But then I thought about it. I thought about the lifetime that we'll have Grayci as our daughter. And in the scheme of things, 1 year isn't really that long...especially if it's God's perfect timing. And I decided to stop guarding my heart so much, that it'll never heal if I don't deal with these things.

So, we bought a "B"...

It's hanging in my closet, and every day I look at it and think of the little life that it will be a part of. The sweet body that it'll cover at night. Maybe she'll feel the seam around the edges like Bayli does, or maybe she'll touch her face with the softness, or maybe she'll want to cuddle with it when she skins her knee, or maybe she won't be a blanket girl after all, but it's ok. Because what that "B" represents is so much more to me than the pretty floral fabric and seam around the edges...the softness of that blanket- it softens my heart a little more. It's a little bit of hope for my continually broken heart.

It's a reminder of what good things are still to come for us...

Face for Grace, Holly



Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Look...a new post!

Well, I didn't realize quite how long it's been since I've posted anything. We're here, just not blogging much. We are getting ready for some exciting Thanksgiving fun with family. It's hard to believe that the holidays are already here! Time really is moving quickly.

We just made our 4 month birthday...into the waiting game, that is. However, we just found out that our "Gestation Period" is lengthening some. During the 11 months that we've been on this journey we've gone from 15-18 months total processing time, from application through to referral, to now having a wait time of 12-18 months from Dossier submission. For those of you who don't have a clue about international adoption, basically this means that where we originally thought we'd get Gracie around March of '08, then it was more realistically June/July of '08..now we're looking at Dec of '08 or Jan of '09! A whole year from now! Which makes our total process just over 2 years total! When we first got this news, it was upsetting but really didn't shock me much. There had been no referrals coming out, so I had a hunch that they were going to push things back a tad. But when you've come this far, there's really such a peace. Even though the waiting stinks, I have a peace that it's just all in God's timing. The only time that I get antsy at all is when I take things on myself, and don't let God drive.

Our adoption coordinator has asked us to have all of our friends and family continue to pray for the government of El Salvador...they just are not in a hurry to process these applications. I would ask for all of you to pray for us as we continue to wait. Wait on the adoption, and wait on God. I know that He can move these mountains.

Father God, help us and keep us strong as we continue to wait in the process of growing our family. It gets hard when my mind keeps telling me that we're wasting time. Then my heart keeps telling me that we're right on time in your will. The battle between my heart and my mind is a tough one! God I continue to surrender to you and your will in this situation. You will be our rock and our strength and our joy!

Face for Grace,
Holly