My life as an automobile

Recently I've been thinking about the question we've all heard throughout our lives, "if you were a car, which would you be and why?" As a teen-ager, no doubt, I wanted to be a Honda CRX, or Nissan Pulsar. Red, preferrably...must have tinted windows, sun roof and a rear spoiler; and absolutely MUST GO 100 MPH!! I guess had I known better, I could have chosen the more expensive sports' car such as a Corvette or Fararri- I don't even remember knowing those cars existed, much less that they cost the same price as a house. I just wanted to go fast- and wanted everyone to look at me when I pulled up at the stop light beside them. And for the most part, my metaphorically speaking self was indeed a red sports car. I was in the fast lane, always at the happenin' party and/or hang out, and people always knew I was around...I made sure of it. (Interpreted...I was loud/abnoxious/life of the party type.)

Then, a little bit of changing took place when I was 20 and got married. I realized, first of all, that I needed a little bit bigger trunk space. And, for the first time I had to think of someone else. I had to be a little bit more careful when driving because my spouse was concerned for my safety. I needed to slow down and make it home alive for him. I guess my "life as an automobile" would have been a Honda Accord- still sporty, but with a little more leg room. Still a bright color for everyone to know I was around, and still must go about 85-100 MPH. I'm real good at burning the candle at both ends...speed is of the utmost importance.

Then, I had a child. Definite need for more leg room, trunk space and, let's just face it...needed bigger everything. Didn't so much care about the bright color anymore; trust me, people know when we arrive from lots of loud toddler talk. She now lights up the room, no need for anything showy any more. I'm good just being in the background, allowing her to shine. But, I still have the need for speed. Maybe a little slower, but not much at 85 MPH. It just better have a good stereo for playing Hillsong Kids CD's and a nice place for a big car seat, because she needs to be comfortable in our sensible car, going full speed ahead at all times.

Somewhere during the "trade-in" years of the CRX to the Accord, I asked Jesus to be the Lord of my life; the driver of said automobiles, so to speak. Some times, I actually let Him drive. Other times, I forced Him off the road so I could take control of the wheel. Maybe because I felt like we needed to take a different route, but always because He was just driving too dadgum slow for my need for speed self. Invariably, we'd go down the road of my choice for quite some time, with constant chit-chat between us, my always asking His opinion...but ultimately making my own choices much of the time. Then there were the times that I'd take His road having good conversation and a good time along the way- but I still chose my own speed. I am ashamed to say, there are even times that we crashed- one particular time that I can remember where I think I caused a pile-up. This was during the time of my last pregnancy. I never prayed harder during that time. I just knew that I'd lose it if somthing happened to that baby. But, God still wasn't in total control...He may have been driving, but I was directing the course and I certainly had the cruise control set- we were moving along on the highway of life- me fighting God for control the whole way. Isn't it sad that I thought He was the one in total control when all along it was just a show?

Now, during this adoption process, God is the only driver; He has to be. I must admit that I try to "backseat drive" every now and then; but I can feel Him cut me some eyes in the review mirror...so I keep my comments to myself. We're having a good time right now, but I must pick up my cross daily and remember that it's all in God's timing. I am trying hard to restrin myself and keep from stomping my foot through the floorboard of my sensible vehicle; because let's just face it...He's so totally content with going 25 in a 65 MPH zone. We are moving so very slow...absolutely nothing is blurring past us. We are out for the Sunday drive of our lives! To be quite honest with you, there are times that it absolutely kills me. But then, I'm reminded about the fact that God has a much better driving record than I could ever dream of. One day, we will make it to our destination...maybe even one day soon. In the meanwhile, I'm going to sit back and relax in the backseat of my "car o' life" and enjoy the scenery. There are plenty of places along the way of this particular journey that I've never seen before...I wouldn't want to be cruising along so fast that I miss them.

A Face for Grace!
Holly