Have I mentioned that I'm getting out of the way?

A lot has happened the past week; we met with the social worker, finished and turned in her paperwork (including 8-10 page autobiographies on both of us) in a miracle under 48 hours, we had our first of 4 training sessions with the social worker that is a requirement for completion of the home study. All of my 5 references checked in with me indicating that they received their paperwork and have sent them back in. We also had all 3 of our physicals. This is on top of and in addition to: normal life, Bayli being sick for 6 days with trips to the pediatrician, and did I mention...regular old life?

I am standing strong, but one thing in particular that we found out last week has tried it's hardest to shake my resolve. On Thursday when we were on our way to our first training session, our Family Coordinator at AWAA called me to inform me that we'd need to change some information in our paperwork. I had originall requested a child between the ages of 0-9 months. She informed me that for the past several batch of referrals that they've gotten, they haven't had any children younger than 24 months available. A child is a child, but there is a huge difference between a 9 month old and a 24 month old...huge difference!

I was very proud of my initial reaction, which normally be nothing short of panick. This time the first words out of my mouth were, well, if God is the one who told us to adopt and God is the one to told us El Salvador...then God will certainly go before us and work this out. Now, my first thought was that several hundred women would all of a sudden become pregnant and one of those women would be the mother of my child. And therefore, we'd be able to get a baby. But then the thought occured to me that it may actually be God's will for us to get a 24 month old. I have no idea why. My heart tries to grieve this thought, but it can't. I'm not sure if I'm not allowing it, or if God isn't allowing it. I have a peace that this too will work out, regardless of what the outcome is.

My heart wants a new little baby, one that isn't walking, or talking or sitting up or rolling over yet. My first choice would be an infant, but I'm even ok with giving up some of this other stuff for a 9 month old that still would be sort of like a baby. I am really not so totally ok with a 24 month old. That, my friends, is a toddler.

But, for the life of me...I haven't been able to get depressed, down or discouraged about this fact. Not at all. It sneaks into my mind every now and then, but it's just a thought. And it doesn't stay there and harbor and try to "hang out" so to speak. It just enters my mind and then it's over.

God has been in control of this from the beginning. And as soon as I got out of His way, the doors began to open and everything started falling into place. Far be it from me to have a petition or request other than His perfect will for our lives and home. If that means that we will get a 24 month old addition to our family- then God will certainly give us the Grace and He will equip us with everything that we need.

God and I have worked too hard and been through entirely too much for me to get in the way again. I am so staying out of His way and letting Him work this out!

God, I pray that you will continue to be in the driver's seat of our lives. Especially during the adoption process. As much as my heart yearns for a tiny baby, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are in control of this. And that you want nothing but the best for the Moran family. We are right smack dab in the middle of your favor...and therefore, nothing but your ultimate will is good enough. I am staying out of the way and allowing you to work this out...even if it means doing more work in my heart. I love right here and now...right where we are and right where you have us. Thank you for choosing us to work through.

Loving the process of being a Face for Grace!
Holly