Whisper my Name...

I've come to a conclusion recently...if this adoption never happens, and if God never opens my womb again, I am one blessed woman! I have a beautiful daughter, and if I do say so myself...God really outdid Himself when He created her! My heart has been so full recently! Joy unspeakable!

Every night the past few weeks, I sneak into her room at night and I curl up next to her and listen to her breathe. I pray blessings over her. And I seek God's guidance and wisdom in raising her. And I revel at her beauty as the moonlight peeks through her blinds and falls across her face. And I listen to her breathe some more. And I touch the soft skin on her arm. And I love every minute of it. And the dishes can wait, and the clothes can wait; but this can't. These moments are fleeting and I don't want to miss a single one.

Tonight as I was tucking her in bed, I told her my secret, about how I sneak into her room for a few minutes each night. To which she replied, "Mommy, tonight when you come to snuggle with me, can you just whisper my name so that I'll know you are there?"

So tonight, when I went to visit her in her dreams, I pushed aside my OCD fears of what if she wakes up, what if she can't get back to sleep? And I whispered her name as I settled in beside her. She stirred a little, rolled over right into the crook of my arm and then grabbed her thumb and started sucking away drifting off into another deep sleep...another sweet dream.

And as I lay there, thanking God for creating and blessing me with such an amazing creature, and praying blessings over her...the waterworks began to fall. It was late and the tears stung my eyes as they rolled down my cheeks and onto her pillow.

And I was reminded of the many times throughout my Christian walk, during the hard times when I feel so alone...the times that I ask God to please come visit me in my dreams late at night. And I ask Him to please just whisper my name so I know that He's there.

And He shows up. And He listens to me breathe. And He thinks that I'm a perfect and beautiful creation. And He loves me just the way that I am. And He curls up beside me and covers me with His blood and protects me. And He listens to me breathe some more. And He speaks life to me and to my circumstance. And He cares about my hurts and He bottles my tears. And He whispers my name...

Tonight I walked out of Bayli's room, and not only had I met my daughter in her dreams, but God met me and spoke to me in a very real way.

And the dishes are still there, and the clothes are still there. And I'm turning the light off and going to bed.

I'm going to wait for God to whisper my name so I know that He's there...


Face for Grace,
Holly