The past few days have been difficult for me. I'm not sure why...it appears that there is not always a specific reason. Some days the pendulum swings more on the emotional side. I guess that's just me...the way God made me. I have always been tenderhearted so it's easy for that side to take over. Tenderhearted is good and emotional is ok...but both need to have a balance...that's the part that I struggle with. The balance.
The other day I listened to a clip of a Steven Curtis Chapman interview. And of all of the many incredible things that he mentioned, one thing in particular really stuck out. He spoke about how they are "grieving with hope".
Wow! What an incredible statement.
If you have never really been at a place of grieving in your life, that statement might not mean a thing to you. But Jason and I have had many times during the past 6 years where we have had the opportunity to grieve. Sometimes we've grieved gracefully and other times not so much so. Until recently, I can honestly say that we never grieved with hope. We were very ugly and defeated in our grief. We were bitter and angry.
Grieving doesn't have to be simply due to loss of life; it can be the loss of a dream- or the loss of an idea or plan. For us it's been all of the above. The time when we felt that we were giving up on our dream of having more children, and trying to deal with the emotions that accompany that; that is the time where we grieved the hardest and were the most desperate.
Recently we have grieved, but with hope. Hope for our future. Hope for the children that God will bless us with; both biologically and through adoption. We are no longer going to think of ourselves as parents of an only child here on earth. We will have the house full of kids that we've always dreamed of...in God's perfect timing.
And when the pendulum swings too far to the side of emotional- I'll allow it as long as there is a balance. A balance that reminds me of our promise from our Loving Father. A promise that He knows the plans that He has for us...a plan for a hope and a future.
A balance that allows my heart to hurt when necessary...grieve when necessary; but that grieves with hope!
Psalm 126:5 Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
(I love the message version...So those who planted their crops in despair will shout hurrahs at the harvest, So those who went off with heavy hearts will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing
I personally choose to believe and take that "armload of blessing" literally! I pray and believe for an armload of blessing...a little 9 pound blessing wrapped in a blanket washed in Dreft! With a little sweet head that smells like Johnson's Baby Magic.
Anyone choose to believe with me?
