Saturday, June 13, 2009

Before I forget...part II

Backing up a tad from my previous ending...I wanted to share my thoughts on when I first caught a glimpse of my little baby. For Bayli I pushed for 3 hours and ended in an emergency c-section. I didn't get to see anything until about 15 minutes after she was born b/c her heart rate had dropped so low and so suddenly that they had to take her away to check on her, clean her, etc. So I had never seen a birth. Ever. Unless you count A Baby Story. Which I totally don't. So this time when I made it to 10 cm and the nurse asked me to do a little practice push to see how things were going and I barely pushed and she literally told me not to breath, cough, and certainly don't push b/c the head was starting to crown with my 1 little practice push, I was totally in awe. She set up the mirror and I have to be honest that I got a little freaked out at the sight of it all. So I closed my eyes during the first 2 pushes. Well, thinking that I had plenty of time to push it didn't dawn on me that I might actually MISS the birth if I didn't hurry and open my eyes. Can you imagine how disappointed I would be if I had missed it! After all this! Luckily when I had pushed the 2nd time Dr. Lafranca asked me to stop so that she could suction. I realized that the head must be out or there would be nothing to suction. So I opened my eyes and was able to see her swollen, scrunchy little face coming out of my body. I don't think there are adequate words to describe that feeling. The feeling of seeing life coming into the world. Life that you have been hibernating. Life that I brought into the world, literally while risking my own life enduring a high risk pregnancy. Life that you have been waiting for years to meet. Realizing all of this during this overwhelming moment, I said what any mother giving birth to their long awaited baby would say..."Oh my Lord! It's a BABY!" Not too eloquent, but it's all that I could think of. It was really a baby...and it was incredible. I will never forget that moment, the look of that little face. When dreaming of that moment the years leading up to it, I thought I would be on pins and needles with anticipation of whether or not it was a boy or a girl, but to be totally honest with you the thought never even entered my mind. Not once. It simply didn't matter. All that mattered was that it was a baby.

After she suctioned they asked me to push again, and suddenly I heard..."It's a Girl!" my Doctor announced. Both of our jaws dropped and I heard Jason say, "A what?!" and she repeated "A girl!" I looked at him and asked if he was ok b/c he had really wanted a boy. With tears in his eyes he looked at me and said, "How could I not be ok...she's beautiful!" Then his dream came true- he got to cut the cord. After that she laid the most beautiful creation on my chest for us to fully investigate. It was the most amazing moment in my life! I can't even begin to describe the overwhelming emotions that flooded both of our hearts. Tears streamed down both of our cheeks. There were deep cleansing tears, tears that washed away the hurts of the past. There were tears of joy. We were so overwhelmed with emotion. The only thing that I could think to share with my little girl at that moment was that we loved her so much and I kept telling her over and over again that we had been waiting so long to meet her. This pregnancy had lasted over 5 years; it was so much more than just a regular 9 month journey. This was years in the making.

I remember the nurse coming over trying to take her away to begin cleaning her and doing the Apgar testing, but my Doctor kept telling her to stand give us more time. I also remember telling Jason that it seemed as though we already had her forever. She immediately felt like the perfect fit for our family. Of course she was a girl. Of course. At that moment with her laying on my chest in those few moments of life it made perfect sense. All was exactly as it was supposed to be. I couldn't wait to introduce her to Bayli- it was a moment that I had dreamed of for years. God is truly in the business of making miracles; and He cares about details. I totally "get" the verse "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." In the words of my doctor, we couldn't have written a book and had it played out any more perfect.

One of the funniest moments of the day is about 10 minutes later when my doctor is busy fixing me up a tad, and suddenly she pops her head up and said "Holly, did we cover everything in your birth plan?" Like as if we could re-do anything at that point! It was so sweet that she was so concerned with making everything go according to plan. She also showed us my placenta in great detail, which was totally a little weird. Jason got totally into it, but I just decided to keep my eyes fixed on the little life I was holding.

When we were ready the nurse went to the waiting room to get Bayli and brought her back. That is another thing that left me speechless. I can't put into words the feeling when I saw her walk into the room. I immediately began bawling all over again. I couldn't wait to embrace her and love on her and show her the little miracle we'd been blessed with. But, she pulled a fast one on us and began crying unconsolably because she had wanted a brother. I was so confused and was trying so hard to understand, but we went from the most incredible experience of our lives to a crying older sister b/c she didn't get her way. Whatever. She got over it, and now she thinks that Lilli is the most amazing thing ever, but it was pretty much a touch and go situation there for a few minutes.

After Bayli calmed down and got to hold her new little sister, the nurse went out and got the rest of the family and friends. When they came into the room Bayli got to announce to them, "I'd like for all of you to meet my new little sister Lillian Rose Moran!" Everyone broke out into cheering and clapping, then crying. It was another amazing moment, one I am so glad my sweet little Bayli got to be a part of.

I'm sorry this post is so long also, but I had to share every detail. It was a most incredible day. One we will never forget.


Embracing my cup said...

The picture of her crying fresh after being brought into the world is priceless. . . absolutely priceless!!!! I love it!

I imagine you'll repeat the part about Bayli crying for a brother forever ~ especially when they are in their twenties and are best friends!!!! :-)

Wishing you huge blessings!!!