A lesson learned

After much discussion and even more prayer, we finally decided to tell Bayli about the adoption.

See, we were so excited about our last pregnancy that we told her very early on that she was going to be a big sister. We learned the hard way that you just don't toy with a child about information like that. Right after we lost the baby we really discussed and prayed about what to tell Bayli, if anything. We really thought that we'd just try again for another pregnancy, so therefore we wouldn't have to tell her anything at all. Then God led us in another direction, so we thought we'd just leave it alone and let her forget about it. Yeah right! Anyone out there who knows my child knows that she does not forget a thing. Ever! Telling her anything else about the baby going to heaven was never an option either because she would have never ever let it rest. Ever. Talk about opening a can of worms! Oh my word! But by the same token, telling her about the adoption we were afraid would be like telling her 3 years in advance that we were going to Disney World. You just don't do that to a child, or to yourself for that matter.

But, as time passed it became quite clear that she was figuring us out and she was becoming increasingly irritated with the lack of information that we were giving her. The positive but vague comments like, "Yes you are going to be a big sister...one day" just wasn't cutting it any more. Her questions were becoming more intense and were getting bolder too. Until finally last week she just point-blank asked me, "Mommy, do you still have a baby in there or what?" I could not lie to her. So, since we were in the middle of Old Navy, I told her that we'd talk about it when Daddy got home.

That night we briefly touched on the fact that Mommy no longer had a baby in her belly, but that Bayli was still going to be a big sister. God has opened a wonderful door for our family to grow! So, one day Daddy, Mommy and Bayli will all get on a big airplane to go get your little sister. And her name will be Gracie. She asked if we could get her tomorrow, to which, of course we replied that it would take some time...but that it would happen in God's perfect timing.

She was so totally ok with all of it. And, I am quite surprised about the fact that she really hasn't asked very many questions...she'll just mention a few things every now and then. She does, however pray for her little sister every night...she asks Jesus to watch over Gracie and keep her safe.

I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to share the rest of this process with our daughter. Looking back, I am a little bit ashamed of myself for thinking that she may not be able to handle this. We are children's ministers. This is what we do. We are constantly telling people that children can accomplish great and wonderful things now...they don't have to wait until they are older. We should have listened to our own advice and told her sooner. I could have saved her the months of curiosity and uncertainty. She is my baby, and it's my instinct to try to protect her. But it's obvious that she is already wise beyond her years and capable of handling much more than I give her credit for.

God, thank you for reminding me and teaching me a very important lesson through my daughter. God, I pray that she will have peace during this time of waiting. I know that she is anxious to become a big sister, just like we are anxious to grow our family. God, continue to bless us as we continue on our journey.

A Face for Grace,
Holly