Sunday, December 28, 2008

A few things I've learned along the way...Part IV

continued from previous post...

If you remember, we had just celebrated our 7 year anniversary. I remember sitting in the break room at my job when my supervisor told me that I should beware because he had heard that the 7th year of marriage was the toughest...that's when most divorces occur. Funny- we were in the middle of the most difficult thing our 7 year old marriage ever knew. But, apparently it was going to get worse before it got better.

I was sitting at my desk when Jason called me suddenly one day to tell me that he had been laid off from his job. He was going to finish out that week, collect that paycheck and then he'd receive 4 weeks severance pay.

Ok, in case you need help keeping score...brand new house, with a brand new house note; still dealing with the very difficult loss of our first pregnancy and now the loss of our main source of income. Wow- happy 7 year anniversary!!

I guess that this news, although a little overwhelming at the time, came at a good time because it forced us out of our pity-party. It also brought us closer together, we worked together on our budget and things to cut if necessary. We prayed together more and decided that no matter what happened, we would never short change God. Our tithe would still be the first bill we would pay, regardless of how tight things became.  We were very blessed, though, because it never became necessary to go to that extreme. By the time that the severance pay had been used up, God had blessed Jason with a new job that was only a mile or two from our house and he received a $6000 per year increase in pay.

Although focusing on and dealing with Jason's change of jobs had forced us out of the pity-party with the loss of our baby; we did have another challenge to deal with. Jason's brother and his wife had their first baby. I was responsible for giving her their baby shower. Although it was an exciting time for all of us in our family, there was no hiding the fact that my heart was hurting over our loss during this time. The day that my sweet nephew was welcomed into the world was bitter sweet for us. We were so very happy for them, and loved him so much, but it was such a hard time for us. Please don't misunderstand, I love that little boy like crazy- I have from the beginning; but no matter how much you love someone and no matter how happy you are for someone else- it becomes very difficult to watch someone so close to you receive the blessing that you yourself have wanted for so long.  But, as hard as it was, the most amazing thing happened...the minute I held that sweet bundle of joy my heart began aching again- but in a different way.  I realized more than ever what we were missing out on.  I realized what had been stolen from us.  And I started rounding the corner of maybe, possibly being able to give another pregnancy another try.

If God had allowed us to become pregnant the first time, certainly he could allow it again, right?  And, even though we were still scared out of our minds, there was no guarantee that what happened before would happen again.  Maybe, just maybe I was ready to try again??

to be continued.... 

0 comments: