This morning as I was taking Bayli to school I asked her if she ever got tired of my loving on her. Because, let's face it- I probably kiss and hug her 100+ times a day, combined with the number of times that I tell her that I love her combined with the time spent cuddling on the couch at night and in her bed at night before she falls asleep...well, lets just say she gets loved. But sometimes I'm afraid that my desire to mother another child overtakes me to the point of suffocating the one that I have. And, like it or not, there will probably come a day when she might not be as excited about the snuggle time. But her response to me this morning brought tears to my eyes. She said, "Oh no Mommy...who could ever get tired of their Mommy hugging them."
Oh sweetness.
But I couldn't help but think of a little girl in El Salvador who was brought to an orphanage b/c her mother loved her so much and desired a better life for her. And because of that great act of love we will be able to grow our family. And as much as I love this little one growing inside of me- my heart still burns with desire for the little one more than likely already born several hundreds of miles away. The one that will more than likely join our family as a toddler, not as an infant. The one who's mother loved her so...but who's mother's touch she probably hasn't felt in quite a while. The one who shares a room with 20 or so other children, none of whom are siblings. The one who has a care taker- doing the best she can to care for all of these children, but might not have the time or take the time to "love on her" in the physical sense of the word. The little girl who is to become our Grayci...the one that will be brought to us through the wonderful gift of adoption...the one who is growing in our hearts while one is growing in my belly.
My heart aches for her...I wish that she were here now, so that on Christmas morning we could share with her the wonderful news of a sibling that will be born into our home. I pray that she knows a Mother's touch. I pray that she feels my love across these miles.
I pray that she makes it home soon.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
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1 comments:
This was beautiful! I know that ache from both sides... longing for that little girl in my heart and not knowing if she was born yet or what her sweet face looked like... just knowing that I already loved her with ALL of my being! And then the side where I KNEW who she was, had left her in another country, in the care orphanage workers and other children and praying that God would let her "know" the love of her Mommy here in the U.S.
She did not come to us as an infant and for months before she came home, I mourned that. But, God had a different and PERFECT plan! I can honestly say that there is not a day that goes by that I mourn the infant days I lost with her. For you see, God's plan is PERFECT and He brought her to us as a toddler and that was the PERFECT time that He had ordained from before the beginning of the adoption. (Can you see the growth that took place during our adoption... I never thought I would be able to feel this way, but God is good!)
I know the ache you feel, but trust me... it will be replaced with nothing but sheer awe at the timing He has for your family. And I truly believe that He holds our babies in the center of His hands and wraps them with His love until the day we are united with them FOREVER and we will be rejoicing with you when that day comes, Friend!
love ya!
amanda
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