A great weekend & a reflection about tomorrow

Yesterday Jason and I celebrated our 12 year anniversary. 12 years. It seems impossible...the time really has passed so quickly. To celebrate we got away for a few days, just the 2 of us. We had a great time...it was a much needed mini-vacation. Jason really went all out in making sure that we had a special and memorable weekend and anniversary! He is such an awesome husband...and I am one blessed woman to have him! While we were away, we got a call from Christi at our adoption agency, and she told us that our Dossier was mailed out and was on it's way to El Salvador! That was the news that we really needed to hear, at a time that I really needed to hear it.

Tomorrow, July 16th is the due date of the last baby that we lost. Due dates are always the hardest days to face. No matter how hard you may try to not dwell on the loss, or on what should have been...you can't help but wonder about what should have been. We should be welcoming a new life into our family tomorrow. A new bundle of joy with 10 tiny fingers and 10 tiny toes. With itsy-bitsy little hands and feet. We should be eagerly awaiting the time when we get to meet this precious little life, learning the personality of this new family member. I still cry for this baby...my heart really still does hurt over the loss.

All weekend I teared up at the sight or sounds of little babies. It was really difficult to stop the tears. But I did. Even though I had so many thoughts of the life that we've lost, I had to make the decision to be ok with going on. I decided that I was going to have a good weekend, and that instead we would celebrate the lives that are still to come into our family. Whether biological or through adoption; our family will grow, and Jason and I will be ready and waiting when it happens.

I wonder about who she would have looked like. Would she suck her thumb like Bayli? Would she have a head full of hair? Would she have been another 9 lb moose? Would she......if only we had been able to know. From past experience I know that tomorrow will be one of the 3 hardest days that I will ever face. But I will face it, and eventually the sun will set and night time will come, and a new day will be only a few hours away. And I will make it through, even though I wish I didn't have to.

Father God, I know that you have us on this journey for a reason. We really are excited about our future, even though the present is sort of difficult right now. I know that it will get better and you will carry me and Jason through. Thank you that your hand is upon us as we continue with our adoption. I thank you for being with us during the paperwork process, and I praise you for having your hand upon our papers as they are being processed in El Salvador. I pray for favor, that things will go according to your marvelous plan...as we continue to the next leg of our journey. I thank you for a sweet little girl that we will name Gracie, that will come into our waiting arms and hearts and home in your precious, perfect timing.

Face for Grace, Holly