Ok God, I Hear You

So, as I'm sure you are aware of, from reading my past several posts...I'm a little down. I'm trying with all of my might to not be. But, it's been really, really hard for us. It's a tad overwhelming to go through all that we've been going through, on top of being in ministry (that can be very draining if you aren't filling up constantly), on top of working outside of the home- in conjunction with the ministry and adoption and the Holidays...add it all together and combine a little dose of fear with my brother being in Iraq. When you sum it all up- life is just a little hard to live right now. I am very transparent and have no reason to hide things from anyone. The truth of the matter is, if I'm not careful I could stay in my pj's every day and hide out....I didn't realize how susceptible I am to depression- I've never really been at this place before.

Today I've been working on cleaning out my office at home. It's totally another post for another day- to say the least. One of my goals for the new year is to simplify things. I'm very organized by nature- but simple I'm not. I've got to purge some things. From my heart, from my mind and from under our roof. It's amazing how you can accumulate things and not notice it when you are organized and can find a place for everything to where it fits nice, neat and tidy. But, I've decided to simplify- lighten the load. This will not be a natural thing for me...I'll have to work hard at it this year- but I feel that it'll be worth it in the long run.

So, back to the story at hand. I've been cleaning out my office and I came across some stuff in a pile of scrapbooking paraphernalia. As I was digging through the pile and pitching stuff with a vengeance, I came across a little footprint and hand print of Bayli's from when she was about 4 months old. I took a picture of her every month on her "birthday" and stamped her footprint so that I could compare how it grew. I tried every month to stamp her hand print also- but you know how babies clench their little fists- I always ended up with a smudged little mess of ink, but this month I had gotten it perfectly. It went so well I made 2 that month. Which explains why one is in her album and one was in this stack. But seeing that little bitty 2-3 inch big footprint and little bitty handprint took my breath away. The next thing in the stack was a picture of her at that age...in all of her sweet baby goodness.

My heart breaks.

Then as I'm silently screaming at God in my mind- "God! Are you listening!! Why oh why is all of this happening this way?! Have we heard from you? Are we supposed to be on this path? Are we on the right path? I don't like this path! It seems so lonely and so forelorn! Hello!!! ... Are you listening?? You promised me that we would have children...that the fruit of my womb would be blessed!"

Then the next thing in the stack, oddly enough and very out of place, is a Christmas card that my Dad sent to us years ago. And the verse on it reads: "Every promise from God shall surely come true" Luke 1:37

Ok, God- so you are listening. I'm listening too. And I love you with all of my heart. I'd rather be on no other path than this seemingly unending one...because I know that you are right there with me, always. And that you always make good on your promises...always!

Face for Grace,
Holly