Wow! Another post!

Yes, we're alive and well. Sorry for the delay in posting. It's hard to explain, but it seems like posting is such a lot of work for me recently. I think of things that I need to BLOG, but when it comes down to it, I just don't feel like it.

And, the truth is, this Christmas has been very hard for us. I really thought things would be easier this year, but the fact of the matter is- it's another year without another baby. We had a wonderful time with Bayli, but there is something missing in our hearts and in our home. Not to mention that we should have a 5 month old right now. I also remember sitting at my Mother in Laws table last Christmas, we had only told a few people that we'd mailed off our adoption application because I was afraid they would think we were acting on impulse from the last miscarriage. But,at that time, the wait time was only 11 months from Dossier submission. I remember thinking that if I could only make it until this Christmas, we'd be right around the corner from getting a baby. There was this mental little timeline thing...and this Christmas was a major milestone. Well, now we'll be lucky to get her by next Christmas. I realize that's only another year. But, not having that hope this year made things sting a little bit more.

So as to not leave things on a sad note. I will say that one of the highlights of our holiday was running into my friend Amanda at the mall this past weekend. She had Bella with her. And, she is just a doll! My heart was about to explode just looking at her! I couldn't wait to hold her! Which, from reading this post, you'll see that has been an issue with me. The next morning, Jason asked me why I was able to hold Bella so willingly, but can't hold my own niece. The only way that I could describe it was that she didn't remind me at all of what I've lost...only she gave me such hope for what is to come! It really did my heart good to see them both.

God, my heart hurts, a lot. I pray for all the orphans in the world, but especially for the orphan that is to become our child. God, bless her and keep her safe. I pray that you move the mountain that is standing between us! Jason gets mad because he thinks I'm not fighting enough, but I don't know how to fight this one. It's all up to you God...I pray for favor in this situation and in our finances- especially regarding the adoption. I pray for good things to come!


Face for Grace,
Holly