Friday, February 13, 2009

Emotions on the loose

It's no surprise to those that have known me for a while that I am an emotional girl.  I have always been very sensitive and have always worn my heart on my sleeve (Is that the correct phrase?) 

But Lordy Mercy!  The hormones, they are ragin'!  And the tears- sheesh- they know no boundaries!!!  The bad thing is that I'm crying over nothing at all, and it's totally the 'ugly cry'.  This has been going on for the better part of a week or so.  And I'm ready to try to get a handle on it already.  Part of me thinks it has something to do with these blood sugar issues that I've been dealing with.  The other part of me thinks I'm just a freak.  Not sure which is true.

I have been having a very rough time getting the glucose junk under control.  It's a lot harder than I thought.  It's taking a lot of self control and discipline, but even more planning and preparation than I have time or energy to deal with.  I am trying so very hard, but even giving it my best efforts I'm still failing miserably.  I have been testing my blood sugar 4 times per day for the past 7 days.  Out of those 28 times, my blood sugar was high 14 times!  Everyone has told me that it takes a couple of weeks, but I am very frustrated right now.  I am only getting the desired results 50% of the time, even though I am doing things right 100% of the time!  See, in the back of my head I keep thinking that if I'm going to try this hard and work this hard and my blood sugar is still going to be high then I might as well just have fun and forget about it and just eat what I really want to eat and forget the stupid diet.  But I am such a rule follower, and I'm totally stressing myself out over it.  And I don't want to do anything to harm this baby.

This is why I think my hormonal outbursts are due to the stress of this situation.  Not to mention that whenever my blood sugar is high I just don't feel very well.  It just makes everything right for a good cry.

But I am determined to not let the devil steal my joy.  We have prayed for this pregnancy and we have fought for this pregnancy!  I am determined to not let this trial over shadow the joy that lies within.  

As I sat doing my quiet time today I asked God for His help in this situation for the first time this week.  Isn't it crazy that I would all but kill myself trying to figure this out on my own and it wouldn't even dawn on me to ask Jesus to help me?  Knowing He's been wanting to help me all along.  So, now at the top of my prayers and petitions each day will be asking God to guide me and direct me with every food choice, measurement and craving throughout the day.  After all, if He can help Barb do this; He can certainly help me!


Embracing my cup said...

I'll be praying for you! Sorry about all the aches and pains and the watching your sugar intake, too. But, this little one will be worth it all!!!!!! I think each consecutive pregnancy is harder than the one previous. . . I guess we are just getting old!!!
:-) Take care of yourself!!

Barb said...

Erin's comment made me smile. Trust me, you two aren't getting old yet. :-)

I'm sure this is extremely frustrating. Diabetes is a complicated disease. I'll admit I don't know much about gestational diabetes but I know about juvenile diabetes and controlling blood glucose levels in general.

Try to remember that this is probably temporary - gestational diabetes usually goes away after the baby is born, I think. And tell yourself that you can do absolutely anything until this baby is safely delivered and you're both healthy as can be.

The only thing that has gotten me through this first week of not smoking is that I took it one hour, one minute at a time, and when I felt a craving that made me feel panicky, I prayed. And it worked.

You can do it. Whatever it takes, right?

Holly said...

Good luck with everything, I hope you get it figured out! :)