Right Here

It is very liberating to be ok with "Here". Right here; the exact place that God has you right now in your life..."here". I am totally analytical, queen of OCD, if you wish. I can never, ever remember being ok with "here" in my entire life. I have always been one to look down the road. Plan ahead- would hate to be blindsided by a surprise or be derailed by failing to plan for something.

In the 10th grade some friends and I were making plans for the weekend and on a whim I said, "Let's do something spontaneous!!" After they quit laughing, they explained to me that wouldn't exactly count as spontaneity. Personally, I thought I was totally throwing caution to the wind and, actually had been rather proud of myself.

My Mom tells me stories of being as little as 3 years old and asking her at bedtime 'what the plans were if the sun didn't come up tomorrow?' (True story) I have always been a planner, I can't wait for the next thing- because certainly it must be bigger and better. Basically, I must conquer everything I set out to do...and I absolutely MUST do it with the utmost organization (an idiot could live my life for me because it's all mapped out) and must do it with breakneck speed and efficiency (I can't stand to waste anyone's time-especially mine!). Before I am finished with a task (and I always finish- I absolutely MUST...can't sleep 'til I do) I am always planning ahead to the next task, event- whatever. AND when I plan a big activity, like Camp or Harvest Fest (for Church) I always, always sit down while everything is fresh on my mind and write down what worked, what didn't work and what we need to change about next time. When everyone else around me is comatose from the trip, event, etc. I'm sitting there with my notebook debriefing...can't stand the idea of not improving, making things better next time or (God Forbid) making the same mistake TWICE! It hurts just thinking about it.

I don't share this with many people, but the first thing I do every morning is make a To-Do list. Not that odd, many people do this, right? BUT- do most people have as #1 on their list "#1, Make a List"? I always put 'make a list' as #1 so that I can scratch something off my list right away. Told you- I'm the Queen Mother of OCD.

But, this weekend I finally realized that this process of adopting is a slow one. And it's ok. There are times when I get frustrated- but it's ok. For the first time in forever (literally- as I've already proven...) I am so totally ok with HERE! Right here in my life. This is exactly the path that God paved for Jason and I before we were married, before we dated and before we were born. We are HERE, where He wants us...and there is absolutely no other place on this earth that I'd rather be! (Except for El Salvador getting Gracie...but that's ok- because it will happen when He's ready.) I have been through ALOT to get "here", but I like it.

Here is good...it's truly an amazing place.