Well, I am pleased to announce that Bayli loves school and loves her teacher and all seems to be well in the school area. She cried every single day last week, except for Monday, because I was, you know, the self-appointed Teachers Assistant that day. And, I guess, there is no need to cry when your Mommy goes to school with you and all. But, this week she has decided that school is good, even if we do "have to do this every single day!" She hasn't cried once this week and loves to tell me every detail of everything, including the specific details of the hair accessories that each girl wore that day. She can also tell me what every child had for lunch too. Maybe that's why her sandwhich is only half eaten when I pick her up.
And she has learned a ton of new things already. Aside from how to stay in line, that she is number 13 and she must always line up behind Rebekah, who is number 12, and she's also learned about raising your hand before you speak. She has also learned real quick-like that the teacher has a hidden stash of treats for those who are "caught doing something good"...and let me tell you...she has learned to totally maximize her treat-earning possibilities.
They've learned all kinds of new Bible stories too...like last Friday when they learned the one about "Madame and Eve"! She showed me the picture of them, and had the entire story quite accurate...except the Madame part. She's quite ready for Bible College, don't you think?
Of course, they are learning other important things like numbers and letters, etc...but there are no exciting stories to mention about that. Oh, and she is the door holder this week! And she takes it quite seriously too. When I dropped her off yesterday morning, she announced loudly as we were opening the car door, "The door holder is now here!".
We may not be able to stand to live with her when she gets promoted to Line Leader!
Face for Grace,
Holly
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
We lived to tell about it...
Well, today was the first day of school. We are still alive, and I guess we're even going back tomorrow. We'll see in the morning.
Really, all in all- it wasn't bad. I guess I had cried enough the entire weekend that it wasn't so bad today. It took my breath away when Jason got her dressed in her uniform, then she walked into my bathroom for me to fix her hair. She suddenly looked rather grown up. I was not impressed with the thought of her growing up and having a backpack, a lunch bag and everything else. It's just crazy...she's still a baby.
But I do have a confession to make. I stayed the entire day today to "help" the teacher. Hey...she asked for volunteers throughout the year. I just decided to start the first day! I promise that I helped and I didn't show my child any favortism. After all, I'm used to that with her being in Club Faith every Sunday and Wednesday. I've become rather good at being in the room with her without favoring her. Even if I do think she's the cutest one in the room :) (Kidding!)
I was rather amazed at how well Bayli did. I was concerned because she's the youngest in her class, but you couldn't tell when observing the entire class. That makes me feel better about everything. I was afraid that she'd be helpless in this big class of 20 kids. I guess being a "mommy" you tend to be an enabler to your child's helplessness. It's what we do- we do everything for them, even if they are more than capable of doing it for themselves. But, today I realized that everything that I've worked so hard to achieve during the time I've spent at home with her became my own worst fear...she was fine without me and is a very capable, confident and competent little girl. But when we got home, we were barely in the door when she climbed up into my lap for me to hold her. I stroked her hair and we talked for a few short minutes about the favorite parts of her day before she drifted off to sleep. She was literally snoring in a matter of seconds. I needed to start supper, but chose not too. I just kept rocking her and stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head. I held her for about 15 minutes before laying her down for a little nap.
It was a sweet moment...one that we both needed.
Face for Grace,
Holly
Friday, August 10, 2007
Train up a child
From very early on in my pregnancy with Bayli, I remember praying one specific thing...I prayed for a child with a sweet spirit. I had never raised a baby before, but I had dealt with many, many children and I determined that children with a sweet spirit seemed to be correctable and very teachable, not to mention the obvious sweet hugs and sensitivity.
I've heard, over the course of the years, many pregnant women praying for specifics about their babies...things that they want. The hair color, the eye color, long eyelashes, they pray for a "good" baby...one that doesn't cry too much and sleeps well. All of these things are fine, and I believe that God wants to us to pray specifically for things we desire, as it's His will to give us the desires of our heart. I honestly didn't pray for much more than a healthy baby with a sweet spirit. I did, on more than one occasion make my request known before God that I desired to have a girl, but I knew that the sex of the baby had already been determined at conception, so praying for it at that time really wouldn't change much.
But I did continually pray for a child with a sweet, teachable and correctable spirit. I figured if she had that, then everything else would fall into place.
Throughout her life so far, I cannot even begin to count the number of people who have told us about what a sweet spirit she has...perfect strangers have commented on it. We even had a perfect stranger pay for our lunch one day because they thought that Bayli was so sweet and loved how we prayed together as a family. That was during her stage when she'd throw her arms up into the air and shout "AMEN!" after we would pray!
Now... is she always sweet? Not always, she can be mean and bossy and demanding and caddy just like little girls (and big ones too) are known for. But, when Jason or I try to talk to her, she listens and understands. I have witnessed her repent in a very sincere manner many times.
Jason and I take turns reading and praying with her every night. And a couple of months ago, Jason came out of Bayli's room after reading and praying with her and said that she had asked him about asking Jesus to live in her heart to forgive her of her sins. At 3 1/2! And she has quite an understanding of it all. She is very sensitive to the fact that Jesus died on the cross for her.
Earlier this week, we were talking in the car and she said to me, "Mommy...I've made a decision. I think that it's not fun to make you or Daddy sad or Jesus sad when I do wrong things. So, I've decided I'm just going to listen the first time all of the time. Is that ok?" (We encouage first-time-obedience as part of our discipline and child-rearing)
I was floored.
With tears streaming down my face, I encouraged her and told her of course that was more than ok...and that would make Jesus and Mommy and Daddy very happy and very proud. And that there may still be times when she may not listen the very first time even though she knows she should. And if that happens, she can just ask Jesus and us to forgive her and it's all forgotten about. Then we both said I love you's...started by her.
This was 5 days ago. And I cannot even begin to explain the level of sweetness this week. She really, truly is a changed little girl...we've had first-time-obedience all day, every day the entire week. It has been utterly amazing.
Now, do I think that she will be perfect from here on out? Absolutely not. But somewhere, somehow a change has taken place. She's gotten a taste of something real, and we need to continue to foster that and help her grow in her walk. Her walk of obedience to us, her parents, and to her Heavenly Father.
See, I am so very sad about her starting school...I'm really having a super hard time with it. I feel like my "job" is being taken away from me...like I've been demoted. Being a full-time Mom is what I do. Now someone else will be raising her for about 7 hours of the day. My heart and my home will be empty until 3:00 every day. But, praise God that I was able to see a glimpse of the reward of the molding and the shaping that has taken place in our home for the past almost 4 years. I know that we still have a long way to go, but she is beginning to "get it"...she is beginning to grasp what we've been pouring into her since the day of her birth. God has revealed to me that she's going to be ok. I've done my job until this point...and I've done it well. Now someone else will handle her education.
Someone else will teach her phonics, reading and writing, but I will still be her one and only Mommy.
Father God, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with anguish because of the babies we've lost and with my desire to mother someone else. Sometimes the pain in my heart is unbearable...I just wish there was one person out there who understood that I could talk to. But God, if for right now I can only be the mother to one child...thank you for allowing me the privilege of being the mother to Bayli. Thank you for creating her to be the light of our lives. She is wise beyond her years and it is an awesome honor to be her mother and to be a part of the journey of her life. Even though I am so priviliged to be one of the first people to share the love of Christ with so many children week in and week out...there is no greater joy than sharing Jesus with my sweet girl. God, she's getting it! She's getting and gaining an understanding of Your love! I pray that we can continue to foster her sensitivity and encourage the desire she has to please you. I pray that Jason and I are pleasing to you as parents. Please show us and guide us and teach us as we continue to teach her.
God, protect Graci...I pray that if she's been born yet that she has someone in the orphanage to bond with. Someone who does more than just meet her physical needs. I pray that she feels love...God, we love her so much even though we don't know her yet. God, keep her safe...her mind, her body, her spirit...keep her safe and protected.
Face for Grace,
Holly
I've heard, over the course of the years, many pregnant women praying for specifics about their babies...things that they want. The hair color, the eye color, long eyelashes, they pray for a "good" baby...one that doesn't cry too much and sleeps well. All of these things are fine, and I believe that God wants to us to pray specifically for things we desire, as it's His will to give us the desires of our heart. I honestly didn't pray for much more than a healthy baby with a sweet spirit. I did, on more than one occasion make my request known before God that I desired to have a girl, but I knew that the sex of the baby had already been determined at conception, so praying for it at that time really wouldn't change much.
But I did continually pray for a child with a sweet, teachable and correctable spirit. I figured if she had that, then everything else would fall into place.
Throughout her life so far, I cannot even begin to count the number of people who have told us about what a sweet spirit she has...perfect strangers have commented on it. We even had a perfect stranger pay for our lunch one day because they thought that Bayli was so sweet and loved how we prayed together as a family. That was during her stage when she'd throw her arms up into the air and shout "AMEN!" after we would pray!
Now... is she always sweet? Not always, she can be mean and bossy and demanding and caddy just like little girls (and big ones too) are known for. But, when Jason or I try to talk to her, she listens and understands. I have witnessed her repent in a very sincere manner many times.
Jason and I take turns reading and praying with her every night. And a couple of months ago, Jason came out of Bayli's room after reading and praying with her and said that she had asked him about asking Jesus to live in her heart to forgive her of her sins. At 3 1/2! And she has quite an understanding of it all. She is very sensitive to the fact that Jesus died on the cross for her.
Earlier this week, we were talking in the car and she said to me, "Mommy...I've made a decision. I think that it's not fun to make you or Daddy sad or Jesus sad when I do wrong things. So, I've decided I'm just going to listen the first time all of the time. Is that ok?" (We encouage first-time-obedience as part of our discipline and child-rearing)
I was floored.
With tears streaming down my face, I encouraged her and told her of course that was more than ok...and that would make Jesus and Mommy and Daddy very happy and very proud. And that there may still be times when she may not listen the very first time even though she knows she should. And if that happens, she can just ask Jesus and us to forgive her and it's all forgotten about. Then we both said I love you's...started by her.
This was 5 days ago. And I cannot even begin to explain the level of sweetness this week. She really, truly is a changed little girl...we've had first-time-obedience all day, every day the entire week. It has been utterly amazing.
Now, do I think that she will be perfect from here on out? Absolutely not. But somewhere, somehow a change has taken place. She's gotten a taste of something real, and we need to continue to foster that and help her grow in her walk. Her walk of obedience to us, her parents, and to her Heavenly Father.
See, I am so very sad about her starting school...I'm really having a super hard time with it. I feel like my "job" is being taken away from me...like I've been demoted. Being a full-time Mom is what I do. Now someone else will be raising her for about 7 hours of the day. My heart and my home will be empty until 3:00 every day. But, praise God that I was able to see a glimpse of the reward of the molding and the shaping that has taken place in our home for the past almost 4 years. I know that we still have a long way to go, but she is beginning to "get it"...she is beginning to grasp what we've been pouring into her since the day of her birth. God has revealed to me that she's going to be ok. I've done my job until this point...and I've done it well. Now someone else will handle her education.
Someone else will teach her phonics, reading and writing, but I will still be her one and only Mommy.
Father God, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with anguish because of the babies we've lost and with my desire to mother someone else. Sometimes the pain in my heart is unbearable...I just wish there was one person out there who understood that I could talk to. But God, if for right now I can only be the mother to one child...thank you for allowing me the privilege of being the mother to Bayli. Thank you for creating her to be the light of our lives. She is wise beyond her years and it is an awesome honor to be her mother and to be a part of the journey of her life. Even though I am so priviliged to be one of the first people to share the love of Christ with so many children week in and week out...there is no greater joy than sharing Jesus with my sweet girl. God, she's getting it! She's getting and gaining an understanding of Your love! I pray that we can continue to foster her sensitivity and encourage the desire she has to please you. I pray that Jason and I are pleasing to you as parents. Please show us and guide us and teach us as we continue to teach her.
God, protect Graci...I pray that if she's been born yet that she has someone in the orphanage to bond with. Someone who does more than just meet her physical needs. I pray that she feels love...God, we love her so much even though we don't know her yet. God, keep her safe...her mind, her body, her spirit...keep her safe and protected.
Face for Grace,
Holly
Monday, August 6, 2007
We're still here
It's been a while since I've posted. But, no news = no post! We've been very busy with VBS/Cheering for Jesus & Sports Clinics. We had a bigger turn out than we originally expected and had an amazing week. The rain held off all week until the last night, which was sort of a bummer. But we worked through it and still managed to have a very successful week.
Scott, my brother, was home last week before heading off to California for additional training prior to heading to Iraq. We had a very good week visiting with him and hated to see him go. He feels that it's something he needs to do, which is why he re-enlisted. All that we can do now is pray for his quick and safe return.
We are already almost 4 weeks in to the waiting game for Gracie. The time has gone quickly because we've been so busy. I can't wait...to see her, smell her, hold her, just get to know her. My heart yearns to mother someone else. I pray that God is preparing this little girl for her freak of a mama...I've been holding back so many emotions and have been denied so many "mothering opportunities" through the miscarriages that I don't know if she'll be ready for me when I finally get to meet her. I think I will hold her and squeeze her until my arms break!
Life has been very hard for me recently. My mind is in constant warfare...actually my mind and heart are battling each other a lot. I know it's because the due date from our last pregnancy is still so fresh on our minds and hearts. Bayli will be starting school one week from today. Then I'll have an empty nest. I know that has a lot to do with my sadness too. I still struggle a lot with my emotions...trying to keep them in check and at a healthy balance. I know that it's normal to be emotional; I mean, we've been through a lot. But God is good and He will continue to grow us as we complete this journey.
Isaiah 55:11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
I am also struggling with going back to work. I know it's something that I must do in order to pay for the rest of the adoption. But, I'm concerned with fitting everything into my schedule. I have a lot of hours that I already put into our children's ministry...a lot of hours. Going back to work 3 days a week will make it almost impossible to do the work for the ministry. I am battling...it's like I feel God telling me to trust Him for the rest of the finances. But it doesn't make sense...I'm afraid of making a wrong decision either way.
God, thanks for loving me even when I'm a tad bit skeptical about things. I know, deep down inside my heart that you've got this whole thing figured out. I know that you have a plan for Gracie to be a part of our family, so I know that you have a plan to pay for her becoming a part of our family. God I pray that you will continue to show and reveal to us the next step that we should take...give us unquestionable peace. Prepare our hearts to hear your voice.
Face for Grace,
Holly
Scott, my brother, was home last week before heading off to California for additional training prior to heading to Iraq. We had a very good week visiting with him and hated to see him go. He feels that it's something he needs to do, which is why he re-enlisted. All that we can do now is pray for his quick and safe return.
We are already almost 4 weeks in to the waiting game for Gracie. The time has gone quickly because we've been so busy. I can't wait...to see her, smell her, hold her, just get to know her. My heart yearns to mother someone else. I pray that God is preparing this little girl for her freak of a mama...I've been holding back so many emotions and have been denied so many "mothering opportunities" through the miscarriages that I don't know if she'll be ready for me when I finally get to meet her. I think I will hold her and squeeze her until my arms break!
Life has been very hard for me recently. My mind is in constant warfare...actually my mind and heart are battling each other a lot. I know it's because the due date from our last pregnancy is still so fresh on our minds and hearts. Bayli will be starting school one week from today. Then I'll have an empty nest. I know that has a lot to do with my sadness too. I still struggle a lot with my emotions...trying to keep them in check and at a healthy balance. I know that it's normal to be emotional; I mean, we've been through a lot. But God is good and He will continue to grow us as we complete this journey.
Isaiah 55:11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
I am also struggling with going back to work. I know it's something that I must do in order to pay for the rest of the adoption. But, I'm concerned with fitting everything into my schedule. I have a lot of hours that I already put into our children's ministry...a lot of hours. Going back to work 3 days a week will make it almost impossible to do the work for the ministry. I am battling...it's like I feel God telling me to trust Him for the rest of the finances. But it doesn't make sense...I'm afraid of making a wrong decision either way.
God, thanks for loving me even when I'm a tad bit skeptical about things. I know, deep down inside my heart that you've got this whole thing figured out. I know that you have a plan for Gracie to be a part of our family, so I know that you have a plan to pay for her becoming a part of our family. God I pray that you will continue to show and reveal to us the next step that we should take...give us unquestionable peace. Prepare our hearts to hear your voice.
Face for Grace,
Holly
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