Train up a child

From very early on in my pregnancy with Bayli, I remember praying one specific thing...I prayed for a child with a sweet spirit. I had never raised a baby before, but I had dealt with many, many children and I determined that children with a sweet spirit seemed to be correctable and very teachable, not to mention the obvious sweet hugs and sensitivity.

I've heard, over the course of the years, many pregnant women praying for specifics about their babies...things that they want. The hair color, the eye color, long eyelashes, they pray for a "good" baby...one that doesn't cry too much and sleeps well. All of these things are fine, and I believe that God wants to us to pray specifically for things we desire, as it's His will to give us the desires of our heart. I honestly didn't pray for much more than a healthy baby with a sweet spirit. I did, on more than one occasion make my request known before God that I desired to have a girl, but I knew that the sex of the baby had already been determined at conception, so praying for it at that time really wouldn't change much.

But I did continually pray for a child with a sweet, teachable and correctable spirit. I figured if she had that, then everything else would fall into place.

Throughout her life so far, I cannot even begin to count the number of people who have told us about what a sweet spirit she has...perfect strangers have commented on it. We even had a perfect stranger pay for our lunch one day because they thought that Bayli was so sweet and loved how we prayed together as a family. That was during her stage when she'd throw her arms up into the air and shout "AMEN!" after we would pray!

Now... is she always sweet? Not always, she can be mean and bossy and demanding and caddy just like little girls (and big ones too) are known for. But, when Jason or I try to talk to her, she listens and understands. I have witnessed her repent in a very sincere manner many times.

Jason and I take turns reading and praying with her every night. And a couple of months ago, Jason came out of Bayli's room after reading and praying with her and said that she had asked him about asking Jesus to live in her heart to forgive her of her sins. At 3 1/2! And she has quite an understanding of it all. She is very sensitive to the fact that Jesus died on the cross for her.

Earlier this week, we were talking in the car and she said to me, "Mommy...I've made a decision. I think that it's not fun to make you or Daddy sad or Jesus sad when I do wrong things. So, I've decided I'm just going to listen the first time all of the time. Is that ok?" (We encouage first-time-obedience as part of our discipline and child-rearing)

I was floored.

With tears streaming down my face, I encouraged her and told her of course that was more than ok...and that would make Jesus and Mommy and Daddy very happy and very proud. And that there may still be times when she may not listen the very first time even though she knows she should. And if that happens, she can just ask Jesus and us to forgive her and it's all forgotten about. Then we both said I love you's...started by her.

This was 5 days ago. And I cannot even begin to explain the level of sweetness this week. She really, truly is a changed little girl...we've had first-time-obedience all day, every day the entire week. It has been utterly amazing.

Now, do I think that she will be perfect from here on out? Absolutely not. But somewhere, somehow a change has taken place. She's gotten a taste of something real, and we need to continue to foster that and help her grow in her walk. Her walk of obedience to us, her parents, and to her Heavenly Father.

See, I am so very sad about her starting school...I'm really having a super hard time with it. I feel like my "job" is being taken away from me...like I've been demoted. Being a full-time Mom is what I do. Now someone else will be raising her for about 7 hours of the day. My heart and my home will be empty until 3:00 every day. But, praise God that I was able to see a glimpse of the reward of the molding and the shaping that has taken place in our home for the past almost 4 years. I know that we still have a long way to go, but she is beginning to "get it"...she is beginning to grasp what we've been pouring into her since the day of her birth. God has revealed to me that she's going to be ok. I've done my job until this point...and I've done it well. Now someone else will handle her education.

Someone else will teach her phonics, reading and writing, but I will still be her one and only Mommy.

Father God, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with anguish because of the babies we've lost and with my desire to mother someone else. Sometimes the pain in my heart is unbearable...I just wish there was one person out there who understood that I could talk to. But God, if for right now I can only be the mother to one child...thank you for allowing me the privilege of being the mother to Bayli. Thank you for creating her to be the light of our lives. She is wise beyond her years and it is an awesome honor to be her mother and to be a part of the journey of her life. Even though I am so priviliged to be one of the first people to share the love of Christ with so many children week in and week out...there is no greater joy than sharing Jesus with my sweet girl. God, she's getting it! She's getting and gaining an understanding of Your love! I pray that we can continue to foster her sensitivity and encourage the desire she has to please you. I pray that Jason and I are pleasing to you as parents. Please show us and guide us and teach us as we continue to teach her.

God, protect Graci...I pray that if she's been born yet that she has someone in the orphanage to bond with. Someone who does more than just meet her physical needs. I pray that she feels love...God, we love her so much even though we don't know her yet. God, keep her safe...her mind, her body, her spirit...keep her safe and protected.

Face for Grace,
Holly