Friday, January 23, 2009

I'm Legal

Yesterday my dear friend, who is also our Pastor's wife, texted me to congratulate me on becoming legal.  I was so confused...but, let's be doesn't take much to confuse me most days.  Anyway- she has been keeping as good of records as I have regarding anything to do with my pregnancy.  And, she is correct- I'm legal...I'm officially 21!  

21 weeks that is!

21 weeks!  I never dreamed this would be possible again.  We have suffered so much loss, it just never seemed possible.  Yet here I sit with a little life doing it's daily aerobic activity inside of me as I type this.  Honestly and truthfully- with God all things are possible!  He has made a way where we just couldn't imagine even a few short months ago.

The past couple of weeks have been very emotional for me as I've been constantly replaying the discussion I had last with my OB, trying to decide whether or not to continue with the heparin or heed the advise of the Perinatologist and get off of all blood thinners completely.  I would love to be free from the limitations of the heparin, but yet I have been so fearful to do so.  It just seems as though the heparin is working.  We've never made it this far except for when we had something is different.  The only changes we've made is the heparin and the increase in folic acid.  So I couldn't understand the reasoning behind stopping it.  My heart would literally ache with fear when I would think about the possibility of stopping the medicine that I felt was keeping my baby alive.  It was an awful decision and I just couldn't feel a peace regardless of which way I leaned.

Thankfully I didn't have to make the decision.  My OB met with the perinatologist personally to discuss the matter, and she wasn't convinced that there was enough evidence to take the risk in stopping the medicine.  Why risk a late term loss?  Why fix it if it isn't broken?  It's working- so lets keep doing it.  I began to weep when I spoke to the nurse as she relayed this information.  I knew that I had been worked up and fearful, but I didn't realize quite how much it had upset me until she called me and advised me to continue.  I was quite suddenly overcome with peace; and as it washed over me the tears began to fall.  What a relief!  I know that God's hand is upon this life, but I also know that God uses the wisdom of doctors and he also uses medicine.  I finally feel such peace.

On a side note, my Pastor's wife has been praying that if we needed to continue with the heparin that God would renew my tolerance for it.  And He has been so faithful to do that.  I haven't had a painful injection for several days now and I haven't had an injection site give me any problems for almost 3 weeks.  This is indeed a blessing!  Of course I would endure anything at all that was necessary to keep this life thriving, but the fact that the injections are a little easier right now makes it so much better.

I feel so blessed to be past the half-way point.  Thanks to all of you for praying with us and following along with us on this journey!  We are so excited!