A Healthy Dose of Fear

I shared in my previous post that my brother is going to Iraq. He joined the Marines right out of high school, back in the late 80's. He was activated during the 1st Gulf War. Things didn't seem to be quite so dangerous that time...at least it seemed.

This time is different. There is a great danger that all of our soldiers are facing daily.

My brother hurt his back in an automobile injury, probably around 1993 or so. He was medically discharged from the Marines around that time. He didn't want to get out, but the damage to his back wouldn't allow him to keep up with the requirements placed upon him in the service.

In the aftermath of 9/11 my brother tried to re-enlist. I'm not sure about all of the main details, he didn't really tell anyone, but he's been trying on a regular basis to re-enlist ever since. From what I understand, he went as far as speaking to his old Unit Leader to see what he could possibly do to get back in. The ball really started rolling for him earlier this year. There was a huge paperwork process and a lot of "stuff" had to happen for things to work out. His paperwork had to go as far as Washington for someone there to sign off on it. The unit he was assigned to has known for about 2 months that they would be leaving at the end of this month. He was officially sworn in again last Wednesday and found out at that time that he'd be leaving on May24th. Talk about a whirl-wind of downright craziness going on for him to get all of his affairs in order. We hurried and scheduled some family pictures that we took over the weekend. He's trying to get his entire house packed up and in storage so that he can rent out his house while he's gone. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

The thing is...the devil is so smart. He knows that I lean towards the emotional side of things. I have been upset about this, but I am trying to remain strong. To depend on God...what is crying going to solve anyway? But, the devil is on full attack on every emotion that I own. He is trying to attack me from each and every angle. He's trying to scare me with fears about every aspect of my life and our adoption. He is trying to make me give in to worry...to fall for his silly tricks and get discouraged and/or depressed.

The key word here is that he's trying.

I am choosing to not give in to him. I am more than a conquerer through Christ Jesus and the enemy has already been defeated. I am not going to begin to fight a battle that has already been won. I will not give into his tricks, lies or attacks. We have God's hand upon us...we are walking in God's favor. I will not give the devil the satisfaction of controlling me through fear and worry. God and I have worked too hard for God to drive...to be in total control.

I am scared for my brother's life. I am concerned for my mother's heart as her son leaves. I am scared about the changes that could take place in our family if something happens to Scott.

But I am not controlled by these emotions or this fear.

I love my big brother and want to see him return safely. I am proud of him and I'm proud of the choice that he made. He always has been, and always will be a hero.

Father God, you know the fears that I am facing. You also see the attack of the enemy on my emotions. I'm feeling down and he's trying to sneak in. God I choose now to keep my eyes focused on you. I choose now to continue allowing you to be in control. I will not give into the fear...the fear that something is going to go wrong...the fear that things are going to fall apart...all of the fears that keep popping into my head. You have already paid the ultimate price. In your word it says that God hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. A sound mind sounds really good to me right now...because my mind has been on overdrive the past several days. God, thank you for showing me the err of my ways before things got out of control. God I love you and I thank you for your amazing peace.

A Face for Grace,
Holly