A Few Good Words

For some reason recently, I've been going through a major season of feeling unrest and just fighting the blues. I feel like I could break down and cry at any given moment of the day. I've been unable to share my feelings with anyone. My true, honest to goodness deep down feelings. They've been eating at me, but I've been unable to open up. This is so unusual for me. I normally run to at least the first 10 people I see to dump on them and ask for advice and wanting them to fix everything. I'm as open of a book as they come...normally.

This time, it all just seems so personal. And I think that if I acknowledge my fears and frustrations and worries that it's like giving life to them. I want to continue to have the utmost trust that God knows all and is in control of all; so if I begin to talk about my fears or doubts, then it seems as though I will be doubting God. I've cried to Him in my quiet times and I've prayed, it seems, almost without ceasing; but I only feel better for a short while and then it all comes back again. The heaviness in my chest and tightness in my throat, and fighting back the water well of tears; mixed with all of the questions, fears, doubts, etc that try with all of their might to encompass my brain.

I've been a christian long enough to know that I've got a major battle on my hands. But, it's a battle that I thought I'd already won. Which makes way for even more confusion.

I don't have the answers and have never claimed to either. But, I can say that the more that I seek God, the more that He reveals to me. I love the following verses that I've come across the past few mornings.

Isaiah 55:11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Psalm 5:3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

Psalm 145: 9 God is good to one and all; everything he does is suffused with grace.
13 God always does what he says, and is gracious in everything he does.
14 God gives a hand to those down on their luck, gives a fresh start to those
those ready to quit
16 Generous to a fault, you lavish your favor on all creatures.
17 Everything God does is right— the trademark on all his works is love.
18 God's there, listening for all who pray, for all who pray and mean it.

(I love the book of Psalm! There is nothing like deciding that regardless of how you feel or what you are going through that you are going to press in and praise God anyway. This book gives me a guideline for that.)

I have no fancy ending to this post. No quick fix-all. It just is what it is right now. I have no doubt that I'll make it through. I can only pray that I'll make it through this time a little stronger than last time.

Father God, I come to you right now with heaviness in my heart, as has been the norm for the past few weeks. I have so much on my mind, so many fears and doubts and struggle that I'm trying to make it through. You know everything about everything going on inside my heart and mind. I thank you for speaking to me, I know that I'm not alone...I pray that you continue to speak to me. I'm listening. I promise.

Face for Grace,
Holly