It's the little blessings...

The little blessings in life are sometimes the most fun to count.

I was speaking with a friend yesterday who has watched me walk through the past 6 years of trying to grow my family. She hasn't necessarily been a "hands on" sort of friend, so I wouldn't say that she's walked with me, but she's witnessed my ups and downs and recent progress.

Anyway. I was sharing with her what a blessing it was that Bayli has always been so small, until recently that is. When my heart ached for another child, I was always comforted by the fact that her foot was still so tiny. At 1 year old, she was still only in a size 1 shoe. It was remarkable. By 15 months old she finally fit into a size 2 pair of Mary Jane's that I had bought for her right after she was born! I loved the fact that she was short for her age, and was relieved when we'd go to the Dr and find out that she was 35th percentile or 50th percentile. Literally, I could feel relief sweep over my body. She was still little, so I could keep her my baby.

Jason and I were gone all weekend because we had brought the kids from church to camp. Monday we spent all day being lazy; cuddling and sleeping and watching TV. The only productive thing that we did aside from cooking supper was wash some clothes. We were super tired all day, and I have uncovered a pattern that when I'm tired, I have a tendancy to get depressed. We are still waiting for our report from USCIS in New Orleans, and my mind was beginning to let negative thoughts come in about possible delays, etc. I started longing for another baby in the worst sort of way and my heart began to ache. I tried not to allow it to happen, but I began to get depressed about the wait ahead of us and started to pout to God about how we don't deserve this...and on and on it went.

But that night before bed an amazing thing happened. Bayli specifically asked me for some water in a sippy cup. More often than not she drinks from a "big girl cup", but I indulged her wish. Then, we went to sit on the couch for some more snuggle time and she asked me to hold her and feed her like a baby. My initial reaction was to say no, that she's becoming a big girl now and that she shouldn't act like a baby. But then, the thought came to my mind that these moments are fleeting. Maybe, just maybe this was God's way of giving my broken heart a rest for the evening. What harm will it do to cradle my little girl in my arms and "feed" her an inch of water in a sippy cup like it's a bottle? I just don't think that she will be 18 years old and still have this request. I think she'll turn out ok.

So, I did just that. I held her like a baby, and I sang a song to her that I wrote for her when she was born. I used to sing it to her every night, now she sings it to her babies. But, Monday night I got to sing it to her again. And God in all of His infinite wisdom allowed a way for my needs to be met, and it also created some wonderful time for my daughter too.

Such a small little blessing that turned my day around. My heart was ok again, and I was ready to face the road ahead. And more importantly than not, it reminded me that God knows my needs...and He cares about them. He's very intimate and personal...He cares about my desires!

The small blessings certainly do make a difference!

Dear Jesus,
Thank you so much for taking the time to worry about my needs. We're not talking about a necessity here, just a basic little intimate, personal need or desire. God, thank you for loving me in such a personal way! So many times we come to expect big things and great things, so much so that the little things get overlooked. God, I pray that I never fail to count the little blessings in life!

Face for Grace,
Holly