Some people have been wondering where we stand with the adoption. Everything is basically at a stand-still while waiting for our I-171H from New Orleans. That is the paperwork that we've been waiting on from New Orleans Immigration office.
It's quite frustrating because our hands are totally tied at this point. There is no way to check the status and we are past the estimated time frame. Well, sort of. USCIS covers themselves by giving you a window of 60-180 days. And you think having a window of 4 hours for a repair-man or cable tech, etc is bad? They go ahead and give themselves a 6 month window of opportunity to get their work complete. And then there is a rule that you can't question your application until it's 30 days past the estimated time frame. Is that crazy or what?
It's all going to be ok. It's just frustrating because we are wasting time. We are not even on the waiting list because we are lacking this one last piece of paper. And we can't go forward until we get it. I've been finished with everything except for this for about 6 weeks or so. So I feel as though we've lost 6 weeks of progress.
But, our lives are in God's hands. And He is the author and the finisher. And He will bring this to completion. If it pushes things back a few months, then He must have a good reason for it all.
So, these are the days of our lives at this paricular time. Pray for the people in New Orleans Immigration office to get themselves together and begin processing paperwork in a more timely manner. They don't seem to realize, or maybe they realize but don't care, how much they are putting people's lives and futures on hold.
If anyone out there has any suggestions on how we could possibly get this worked through quicker, please let us know.
Dear Jesus,
I thank you that this is all in Your mighty hands. I am content to wait, but of course my flesh would prefer if we could get moving a little quicker. I am believing and holding out for Your perfect will to be done with this situation. I thank you for always being right on time.
Face for Grace,
Holly
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Remembering and Hindsight...they're both 20/20
Today was Jason's Grandmother's funeral. She was 88 years old, but was in excellent health. We were all very shocked when she suddenly passed away, despite her age. I first met Maw Maw a few months after Jason and I began dating. She has probably only spoken about 10 sentences to me during the entire time that I knew her. She was a woman of very few words, but yet very loving and caring. She loved her grandchildren, and her great-grandchildren. Her oldest child was a boy and he had 1 son. Her middle child never married or had any children. Jason's mother, Mrs Carol, was the baby and she went on to have her 4 boys. No girls. Jason's brother was the first of the grandchildren to have children, and he was a boy. Do you see a pattern here? Still no girls. Bayli came along a year later, which means that she was the first girl born on that side of the family in 53 years. The word spoiled officially had new meaning. The child has more jewelry than I do, and that is saying something.
During the service I kept thinking about the fact that I never really got to know Maw Maw very much. Her husband had passed away before Jason was even born. I sat and wondered how they had met... how did he propose to her? Was he a romantic? Did he ever surprise her with flowers? Was it love at first sight...or did it take a while for their love to blossom? As I sat there thinking about all of these questions, I realized that some important family history is now gone. Bayli will never know the answers to those questions about her Great-Grandparents. I love geneology and history and I have spent many hours painstakingly trying to preserve my family history...not only because I want to know, but because one day someone else may want to know. Anybody can look up birth records and death records, and any body can find out a maiden name or an anniversary date. But the stories of Maw Maw are now lost.
Hindsight is 20/20.
If I had one more afternoon with my husband's grandmother, I would have asked her what her favorite memory was of the time she shared with her husband. And I would have written it down for my grandchildren to be able to read one day. Who knows, maybe it would have began a conversation with this soft spoken, precious woman. Maybe she never talked much because I was never quiet enough to listen. I really wonder what stories she had kept inside that she may have shared with me. I would also take a picture of Bayli together with Jason's Mom and Maw Maw...because can you believe that we never thought to do that? Her only granddaughter and the first girl in 52 years and no pictures of them together. What a shame that Bayli or her children won't have that one day.
These thoughts have been playing inside my head all day. Because, even though I scrapbook, and I'm trying to put together a family history album, I now realize that I need to include some more personal information. My great-great granddaughter may need to know about my miscarriages one day. About how it prompted us to this time in our lives. She may need to know more than the facts...I was born in 1974, and that I was 28 before having my first child. It will probably give our descendants comfort to know that I was, and still am madly and passionately in love with my husband. And that if not for him, I would never have made it through the horrible pain of the miscarriages. And that I love his smile. And that after 12 years of marriage my heart still does skip a beat when he walks into a room. And that we still argue sometimes...but that we choose to make up. And that when he proposed to me it was not the story book proposal that I had always dreamed of, so I made him do it again...because it really was not that good the first time around. But he did it right the second time, and I said yes...again. I would have been crazy not to...because he completes me.
Those are the things that you can't put on a tombstone, or write about in an obituary. And to me, those are the things worth preserving...for the sake of history...for the sake of a family name.
Now, because it's not like me to be totally serious...emotional and mushy yes, serious no. Tonight at supper I asked Jason what his favorite memory was of the two of us together. He said it was our first trip to Niagara Falls. We had just gotten engaged (the not-so-good proposal time) and I had brought him to Pennsylvania to meet all of my family and we went to Niagara Falls with a friend of mine and her "friend" that she refused to call a boyfriend. Niagara Falls is absolutely something to see, especially at night. There is an amazing light show. Well, my memory was not a lovey-dovey memory. Right after we got married we moved to Gulfport for a year. When we were moving home we had made it about 5 miles, if that, outside of Gulfport and the U-haul truck that we had rented broke down. We had to pull off to the side of I-10, the u-haul and the 2 or 3 other cars who were traveling with us. This was before the days of cell phones, so someone drove to a gas station and called the U-haul company, etc. Well, one thing that I may just need to document about Jason...you know, for the sake of preserving family history and all; is that there are times when he can have a pretty short fuse. This was definitely one of those times. I, on the other hand, try to be the eternal optimist and didn't see the huge problem with being along side I-10 with all of our belongings right there with us, in a truck...that had broken down. I knew we'd figure something out and it would be ok. So, thinking this would be a good memory to document for future generations to read about one day, I started snapping some pictures. Well, he began to snap also, but in a different way. He came over and told me that he would not break the camera because it cost too much money and was way too new, but he'd have no problem injuring my picture taking finger if I snapped one more shot. Well, we'd only been married a year and that whole submission thing hadn't quite kicked in yet for me. Let's just say it got very interesting real quick.
But, I learned tonight that remembering is also 20/20, because finally, after 11 years I was able to laugh about that memory.
Ok, so truth be told, for Jason remembering is more like 20/200...because he still isn't laughing. But one day he will. And, yes, I have the Kodak and the scrapbook page all complete...our great-grandchildren should get a good kick out of that one!
Go take some time and call your grandparents, or your parents for that matter. And ask them something that you'd like to know about them. Something worth passing down. Actually, it's all worth passing down. I shudder to think of the history that is buried...lost...forever...every single day. I don't even know my grandmother's favorite color. I guess I have a phone call to make too.
Face for Grace,
Holly
During the service I kept thinking about the fact that I never really got to know Maw Maw very much. Her husband had passed away before Jason was even born. I sat and wondered how they had met... how did he propose to her? Was he a romantic? Did he ever surprise her with flowers? Was it love at first sight...or did it take a while for their love to blossom? As I sat there thinking about all of these questions, I realized that some important family history is now gone. Bayli will never know the answers to those questions about her Great-Grandparents. I love geneology and history and I have spent many hours painstakingly trying to preserve my family history...not only because I want to know, but because one day someone else may want to know. Anybody can look up birth records and death records, and any body can find out a maiden name or an anniversary date. But the stories of Maw Maw are now lost.
Hindsight is 20/20.
If I had one more afternoon with my husband's grandmother, I would have asked her what her favorite memory was of the time she shared with her husband. And I would have written it down for my grandchildren to be able to read one day. Who knows, maybe it would have began a conversation with this soft spoken, precious woman. Maybe she never talked much because I was never quiet enough to listen. I really wonder what stories she had kept inside that she may have shared with me. I would also take a picture of Bayli together with Jason's Mom and Maw Maw...because can you believe that we never thought to do that? Her only granddaughter and the first girl in 52 years and no pictures of them together. What a shame that Bayli or her children won't have that one day.
These thoughts have been playing inside my head all day. Because, even though I scrapbook, and I'm trying to put together a family history album, I now realize that I need to include some more personal information. My great-great granddaughter may need to know about my miscarriages one day. About how it prompted us to this time in our lives. She may need to know more than the facts...I was born in 1974, and that I was 28 before having my first child. It will probably give our descendants comfort to know that I was, and still am madly and passionately in love with my husband. And that if not for him, I would never have made it through the horrible pain of the miscarriages. And that I love his smile. And that after 12 years of marriage my heart still does skip a beat when he walks into a room. And that we still argue sometimes...but that we choose to make up. And that when he proposed to me it was not the story book proposal that I had always dreamed of, so I made him do it again...because it really was not that good the first time around. But he did it right the second time, and I said yes...again. I would have been crazy not to...because he completes me.
Those are the things that you can't put on a tombstone, or write about in an obituary. And to me, those are the things worth preserving...for the sake of history...for the sake of a family name.
Now, because it's not like me to be totally serious...emotional and mushy yes, serious no. Tonight at supper I asked Jason what his favorite memory was of the two of us together. He said it was our first trip to Niagara Falls. We had just gotten engaged (the not-so-good proposal time) and I had brought him to Pennsylvania to meet all of my family and we went to Niagara Falls with a friend of mine and her "friend" that she refused to call a boyfriend. Niagara Falls is absolutely something to see, especially at night. There is an amazing light show. Well, my memory was not a lovey-dovey memory. Right after we got married we moved to Gulfport for a year. When we were moving home we had made it about 5 miles, if that, outside of Gulfport and the U-haul truck that we had rented broke down. We had to pull off to the side of I-10, the u-haul and the 2 or 3 other cars who were traveling with us. This was before the days of cell phones, so someone drove to a gas station and called the U-haul company, etc. Well, one thing that I may just need to document about Jason...you know, for the sake of preserving family history and all; is that there are times when he can have a pretty short fuse. This was definitely one of those times. I, on the other hand, try to be the eternal optimist and didn't see the huge problem with being along side I-10 with all of our belongings right there with us, in a truck...that had broken down. I knew we'd figure something out and it would be ok. So, thinking this would be a good memory to document for future generations to read about one day, I started snapping some pictures. Well, he began to snap also, but in a different way. He came over and told me that he would not break the camera because it cost too much money and was way too new, but he'd have no problem injuring my picture taking finger if I snapped one more shot. Well, we'd only been married a year and that whole submission thing hadn't quite kicked in yet for me. Let's just say it got very interesting real quick.
But, I learned tonight that remembering is also 20/20, because finally, after 11 years I was able to laugh about that memory.
Ok, so truth be told, for Jason remembering is more like 20/200...because he still isn't laughing. But one day he will. And, yes, I have the Kodak and the scrapbook page all complete...our great-grandchildren should get a good kick out of that one!
Go take some time and call your grandparents, or your parents for that matter. And ask them something that you'd like to know about them. Something worth passing down. Actually, it's all worth passing down. I shudder to think of the history that is buried...lost...forever...every single day. I don't even know my grandmother's favorite color. I guess I have a phone call to make too.
Face for Grace,
Holly
Saturday, June 23, 2007
A Big Smile
Last night we went to Chuck E Cheese. No special reason, just because we could. We really had a great time, and one particular person had a GREAT time. Bayli had fun too! Jason loves to play games...especially when he is pumped up about winning some tickets for his little girl. She had her eye on a light up princess wand, and he was determined to win it for her.
I am here to tell you, the new Chuck E Cheese on Seigen Lane is not the Chuck E Cheese of old. Holy Cow! The excitement level in that place was amazing. I saw first hand the competition that we are up against in the church world. I mean, if we could get some kids that excited about Jesus...talk about a generation of world changers!
On a different note...y'all know how emotional I get about things. Bayli has been asking for months to go to "Chunk 'n' Cheese"! And for the past 2 days she could hardly contain herself. We had printed some coupons off the internet and it had a little picture of Chuck E Cheese himself on the page. She asked me several times yesterday if "That little guy right there would actually be at Chunk 'n' Cheese...because you know, he's the one that talks on the T.V. and all" So, I'm guessing in her mind he's quite obviously a celebrity.
Anyway, being as how much Jason loves to play games, I got nominated to sit at the table and wait for our pizza while Bayli and Daddy bonded and began the 2 1/2 hour process of using up her 90 some odd tokens (again, the internet coupons are the way to go). As I was sitting there waiting, I watched the two of them from afar. I promise you, there was a permanent smile on Bayli's face. She kept looking at Jason...and there was sheer excitement across her entire face...the entire time. There seems to be nothing better in this entire world than watching your child have the time of their lives...when they've been looking forward to something and it comes to pass. To us, it would be something much bigger than a night out at Chuck E Cheese, but to her it was the stuff that dreams were made of. It brought tears to my eyes. I had one of these moments...and for a brief moment, nothing else mattered. Only being right there, making a lasting memory with my family.
See, I've been fighting discouragement this week, because we still have yet to receive our I-171H from New Orleans, and we are officially past the time frame that our social worker told us to expect it in, let alone the time frame that I had believed God for. But all of those worries just faded. It's all ok...and I saw through my child (and my big kid :) exactly how God sees us and how it pleases Him to see us happy and excited. And just like Jason was determined to win enough tickets for Bayli to get that wand, God is determined for me to get that report, in the perfect timing...so that we can move on with this process and continue on with our journey to grow our family.
And I realized how very blessed I am.
God, I know that you speak to me in the craziest of ways. But last night tops them all. Regardless, I thank you for making me sensitive enough to catch on to the little hints, and sensitive enough to be able to realize the blessings of the small things in life. And it's all proof that you are with us at all times. Thank you for your abundance of blessings. And thank you for always speaking to me...especially so unexpectedly at the craziest of times and the craziest of places!
Face for Grace,
Holly
I am here to tell you, the new Chuck E Cheese on Seigen Lane is not the Chuck E Cheese of old. Holy Cow! The excitement level in that place was amazing. I saw first hand the competition that we are up against in the church world. I mean, if we could get some kids that excited about Jesus...talk about a generation of world changers!
On a different note...y'all know how emotional I get about things. Bayli has been asking for months to go to "Chunk 'n' Cheese"! And for the past 2 days she could hardly contain herself. We had printed some coupons off the internet and it had a little picture of Chuck E Cheese himself on the page. She asked me several times yesterday if "That little guy right there would actually be at Chunk 'n' Cheese...because you know, he's the one that talks on the T.V. and all" So, I'm guessing in her mind he's quite obviously a celebrity.
Anyway, being as how much Jason loves to play games, I got nominated to sit at the table and wait for our pizza while Bayli and Daddy bonded and began the 2 1/2 hour process of using up her 90 some odd tokens (again, the internet coupons are the way to go). As I was sitting there waiting, I watched the two of them from afar. I promise you, there was a permanent smile on Bayli's face. She kept looking at Jason...and there was sheer excitement across her entire face...the entire time. There seems to be nothing better in this entire world than watching your child have the time of their lives...when they've been looking forward to something and it comes to pass. To us, it would be something much bigger than a night out at Chuck E Cheese, but to her it was the stuff that dreams were made of. It brought tears to my eyes. I had one of these moments...and for a brief moment, nothing else mattered. Only being right there, making a lasting memory with my family.
See, I've been fighting discouragement this week, because we still have yet to receive our I-171H from New Orleans, and we are officially past the time frame that our social worker told us to expect it in, let alone the time frame that I had believed God for. But all of those worries just faded. It's all ok...and I saw through my child (and my big kid :) exactly how God sees us and how it pleases Him to see us happy and excited. And just like Jason was determined to win enough tickets for Bayli to get that wand, God is determined for me to get that report, in the perfect timing...so that we can move on with this process and continue on with our journey to grow our family.
And I realized how very blessed I am.
God, I know that you speak to me in the craziest of ways. But last night tops them all. Regardless, I thank you for making me sensitive enough to catch on to the little hints, and sensitive enough to be able to realize the blessings of the small things in life. And it's all proof that you are with us at all times. Thank you for your abundance of blessings. And thank you for always speaking to me...especially so unexpectedly at the craziest of times and the craziest of places!
Face for Grace,
Holly
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Out of the mouth of babes
Last night when I was putting Bayli to bed, she asked me, "When are you going to play with me Mommy?" I asked her what she meant, because I always play with her. She replied, "No Mommy, you always say that you are going to play with me then you cook supper, or clean things or do work for church."
Ouch. Knife through the heart.
The sad thing is, she's right.
I have always been an overachiever. I can't rest if things aren't put away and picked up. And everything has a place. There is no such thing as not knowing what to do with something. Everything has a place or it goes in the trash. That simple. I sweep and/or swiffer several times a week, if not every day, because I like a clean house. I also do a lot of work for church from home. This used to not be a problem, but apparently now it is.
I went to bed last night with my head spinning...trying to figure it out. What needs to change, what needs to give...or is she just exaggerating?
The conclusion that I came to was that I need to find a balance. I can't give any of these things up. The work for the ministry is our job...it has to get done. I've delegated as much as I can to people who are willing and the rest is up to me. I can do things during the day, or I can take away time from my husband at night. I think I need to do things during the day. But then, she wants me and needs me. There will come a day when she'd rather my not be around. What will I do then? When she looks back on her childhood I'd like for her to remember her Mommy playing with her and teaching her things. Not reminiscing about all of the time she spent playing by herself because Mommy had to swiffer the floor.
This morning I tried things a little differently. We snuggled in the bed for a few minutes like we always do. Then we went to the couch and snuggled some more (she's cuddly in the morning...)then we ate breakfast. Then I decided to take one hour and only one hour and do everything that I could...and anything I didn't get done in that one hour would have to wait until tomorrow. I timed myself, and got going...I made all beds, started a load of clothes, started supper, cleaned all the floors and dusted. The rest was going to have to wait. Then I was able to spend time with Bayli before getting ready for our plans for the day. We spent the next hour doing a craft, playing with flashcards and playing school (I was an excellent student if I do say so myself!) Then we got ready and some friends came over for a VBS meeting. The meeting lasted a lot longer than I had originally thought, but it was ok because the house was tidy and supper was in the crock pot, and I had spent quality time with someone who needed me the most. And it meant the world to her, and me too. And, totally unlike myself, aside from picking up a few toys and doing the dishes after supper, I've done no other housework today. And it's actually ok...I'm living to tell about it.
It's hard when you are pulled in a million different directions. No doubt about it. But, I feel that if I continue to seek God for His wisdom and direction things will flow more smoothly...which to me equals peace. And nothing sounds better.
Father God, I pray that you continue to show me creative ways to get everything done that I need to get done in a day. Help me to work smarter and still have time for everyone who needs me and needs my attention. I know that things are always changing, what worked today may not work tomorrow. I pray that I will continue to keep my priorities straight. It's very easy to put ministry ahead of my house, or Bayli ahead of my husband. But I know that is not how you desire for things to be. I want to honor you in all that I do and I want my life and my work to reflect you. Thank you Jesus for using my most precious gift, my baby girl, to reveal the err of my ways!
Face for Grace,
Holly
Ouch. Knife through the heart.
The sad thing is, she's right.
I have always been an overachiever. I can't rest if things aren't put away and picked up. And everything has a place. There is no such thing as not knowing what to do with something. Everything has a place or it goes in the trash. That simple. I sweep and/or swiffer several times a week, if not every day, because I like a clean house. I also do a lot of work for church from home. This used to not be a problem, but apparently now it is.
I went to bed last night with my head spinning...trying to figure it out. What needs to change, what needs to give...or is she just exaggerating?
The conclusion that I came to was that I need to find a balance. I can't give any of these things up. The work for the ministry is our job...it has to get done. I've delegated as much as I can to people who are willing and the rest is up to me. I can do things during the day, or I can take away time from my husband at night. I think I need to do things during the day. But then, she wants me and needs me. There will come a day when she'd rather my not be around. What will I do then? When she looks back on her childhood I'd like for her to remember her Mommy playing with her and teaching her things. Not reminiscing about all of the time she spent playing by herself because Mommy had to swiffer the floor.
This morning I tried things a little differently. We snuggled in the bed for a few minutes like we always do. Then we went to the couch and snuggled some more (she's cuddly in the morning...)then we ate breakfast. Then I decided to take one hour and only one hour and do everything that I could...and anything I didn't get done in that one hour would have to wait until tomorrow. I timed myself, and got going...I made all beds, started a load of clothes, started supper, cleaned all the floors and dusted. The rest was going to have to wait. Then I was able to spend time with Bayli before getting ready for our plans for the day. We spent the next hour doing a craft, playing with flashcards and playing school (I was an excellent student if I do say so myself!) Then we got ready and some friends came over for a VBS meeting. The meeting lasted a lot longer than I had originally thought, but it was ok because the house was tidy and supper was in the crock pot, and I had spent quality time with someone who needed me the most. And it meant the world to her, and me too. And, totally unlike myself, aside from picking up a few toys and doing the dishes after supper, I've done no other housework today. And it's actually ok...I'm living to tell about it.
It's hard when you are pulled in a million different directions. No doubt about it. But, I feel that if I continue to seek God for His wisdom and direction things will flow more smoothly...which to me equals peace. And nothing sounds better.
Father God, I pray that you continue to show me creative ways to get everything done that I need to get done in a day. Help me to work smarter and still have time for everyone who needs me and needs my attention. I know that things are always changing, what worked today may not work tomorrow. I pray that I will continue to keep my priorities straight. It's very easy to put ministry ahead of my house, or Bayli ahead of my husband. But I know that is not how you desire for things to be. I want to honor you in all that I do and I want my life and my work to reflect you. Thank you Jesus for using my most precious gift, my baby girl, to reveal the err of my ways!
Face for Grace,
Holly
Monday, June 18, 2007
The Beauty of a Date Night
I remember back before the days of having a child, when I had big opinions about motherhood and childrearing, etc. In other words, back in the day when I knew everything. Ahem.
I remember listening to my friends talk amongst each other and say things like, "I just wish I had one night out with my husband without having to tend to my child first." Or, "If only we could have an uninterrupted conversation, etc."
Most of these women were stay-at-home Moms. I used to listen to their conversations in awe. I have to be honest with you and confess right now that I thought they must have been the most selfish people in the world. A stay-at-home Mom should have nothing to complain about. She's got the easiest job in the world..you know, she doesn't have to work! Besides, who cares if she has to tend to her child before herself? How selfish. She should be honored to eat cold food every night, with limited adult conversation time. Being a Mother is the highest calling! She should do it with pride!
Then I became a Mother. And my viewpoint suddenly changed.
Now you know I love every minute of being a mother. And I love the fact that I'm able to stay home. This is a huge blessing. And we have and still do scrimp and save and sacrifice a lot for this to be able to happen. But let me also say, cold food does nothing for me personally. I do not enjoy it one bit. And I should have been slapped for thinking that a stay at home Mom was the easiest job in the world. I've absolutely never worked harder! And now I also understand the need to be able to have an uninterrupted conversation. Just being able to finish one or two sentences without having to answer a question that begins with "why?" And, on a note that doesn't sound so selfish...I love spending quality time with Jason. Just the two of us. Trust me when I say, it doesn't happen often. But I believe it's absolutely vital to a healthy marriage.
Friday night was date night. We had a wonderful time, and we tried very hard to find things to talk about that didn't include Bayli, adoption or ministry. We talked almost non-stop for over 5 hours. And we got to eat our food when it was still hot...steam and all!
And the most amazing thing happened. Sometime mid-morning on Saturday I realized that the 150+ questions that had already been asked didn't bother me in the least. I was refreshed and ready for all of the excessive talking and question asking.
I'm suddenly all about date night. I can't wait for the next one...(hint! hint! to the guy who needs to do the asking! :)
Face for Grace,
Holly
I remember listening to my friends talk amongst each other and say things like, "I just wish I had one night out with my husband without having to tend to my child first." Or, "If only we could have an uninterrupted conversation, etc."
Most of these women were stay-at-home Moms. I used to listen to their conversations in awe. I have to be honest with you and confess right now that I thought they must have been the most selfish people in the world. A stay-at-home Mom should have nothing to complain about. She's got the easiest job in the world..you know, she doesn't have to work! Besides, who cares if she has to tend to her child before herself? How selfish. She should be honored to eat cold food every night, with limited adult conversation time. Being a Mother is the highest calling! She should do it with pride!
Then I became a Mother. And my viewpoint suddenly changed.
Now you know I love every minute of being a mother. And I love the fact that I'm able to stay home. This is a huge blessing. And we have and still do scrimp and save and sacrifice a lot for this to be able to happen. But let me also say, cold food does nothing for me personally. I do not enjoy it one bit. And I should have been slapped for thinking that a stay at home Mom was the easiest job in the world. I've absolutely never worked harder! And now I also understand the need to be able to have an uninterrupted conversation. Just being able to finish one or two sentences without having to answer a question that begins with "why?" And, on a note that doesn't sound so selfish...I love spending quality time with Jason. Just the two of us. Trust me when I say, it doesn't happen often. But I believe it's absolutely vital to a healthy marriage.
Friday night was date night. We had a wonderful time, and we tried very hard to find things to talk about that didn't include Bayli, adoption or ministry. We talked almost non-stop for over 5 hours. And we got to eat our food when it was still hot...steam and all!
And the most amazing thing happened. Sometime mid-morning on Saturday I realized that the 150+ questions that had already been asked didn't bother me in the least. I was refreshed and ready for all of the excessive talking and question asking.
I'm suddenly all about date night. I can't wait for the next one...(hint! hint! to the guy who needs to do the asking! :)
Face for Grace,
Holly
Friday, June 15, 2007
It's mine, mine, mine...not that I have a problem sharing or anything...
I haven't had the priviledge of watching an entire TV show, from beginning to end, since 2003.
September 16, 2003 to be exact. Which happened to be the day a little princess made her debut into our family.
I've never been a huge TV fan, but I love to watch Good Morning America and Oprah along with any and all things on HGTV. But, you see, those are "peoples, not cartoons"...which poses a problem in our household. At least to a talkative and opinionated 3 1/2 year old.
Then when Jason gets home, the remote is glued to his hands. If for some reason I actually get to hold the remote control for longer than the necessary time to pass it off to him like it's a hot potato; I actually get some weird form of stage fright while trying to perform the task at hand. When he is in the room, and I'm trying to work the remote, I actually get sweaty palms, butterflies in my stomach and a dry mouth...for real. Because the pressure to flip fast enough and with a quick, even tempo is just too much for me!
And, in case y'all haven't noticed, I am a rather competent individual with not much in life able to intimidate me.
Then, there's the fact that I actually WATCH the commercials *GASP*! I like to follow the story through to the end. I do not find it necessary to switch the channel during a commercial; it goes against my OCD nature...like I'm moonlighting on the current show at hand.
And what on earth is it with Sports Center? I am all about sports, love every single one of them. (Well, aside from the one that my husband loves where the guys drive the cars in circles for say, 500 laps or so. But, who am I to juge?) But honestly, the play of the day is the absolute same the entire live long day! Why must we watch it again? And again? And again?
I've tried retreating to my bedroom, but then one of two things usually happens. I either fall asleep; or I get pushed over by a cute little 3 1/2 year old who asks to watch Dora on Mommy's TV.
So, what is this post all about you ask? It' all about this, my new Mother's Day/Birthday present. Ta!Da!
Now, before any of you start to leave me a comment wishing me Happy Birthday, don't bother; because my birthday was last November. It's a long story as to why we are where we are with the present purchasing; but I'm all about it because now I can watch TV any time I want to.
You see folks, Lifetime Movie Network was no more for me...only a distant memory. So I had to get creative. First of all, notice that it's mounted under the cabinet. Oh how I can't stand ANYTHING aside from absolute necessities on my countertops. A gift of any sorts, even a TV, that would have to sit on my countertop, would certainly be "the gift that kept on giving" all right...it would constantly give me panick attacks! And also, take note of the small 10 inch screen... a tad small you say? Well, I think it's a stroke of genius! Nothing in the world will make "other people" not want to use your TV like a small screen! Now, it does come with a remote control, but I think I can handle it. And it also has a DVD player, plays CD's and has a radio!
It gives me great pleasure to announce...hello Diane Sawyer, Oprah, all of HGTV and, yes, even the occasional Lifetime Movie Network. It's been way too long since we said our abrupt goodbyes...but I'm back!
September 16, 2003 to be exact. Which happened to be the day a little princess made her debut into our family.
I've never been a huge TV fan, but I love to watch Good Morning America and Oprah along with any and all things on HGTV. But, you see, those are "peoples, not cartoons"...which poses a problem in our household. At least to a talkative and opinionated 3 1/2 year old.
Then when Jason gets home, the remote is glued to his hands. If for some reason I actually get to hold the remote control for longer than the necessary time to pass it off to him like it's a hot potato; I actually get some weird form of stage fright while trying to perform the task at hand. When he is in the room, and I'm trying to work the remote, I actually get sweaty palms, butterflies in my stomach and a dry mouth...for real. Because the pressure to flip fast enough and with a quick, even tempo is just too much for me!
And, in case y'all haven't noticed, I am a rather competent individual with not much in life able to intimidate me.
Then, there's the fact that I actually WATCH the commercials *GASP*! I like to follow the story through to the end. I do not find it necessary to switch the channel during a commercial; it goes against my OCD nature...like I'm moonlighting on the current show at hand.
And what on earth is it with Sports Center? I am all about sports, love every single one of them. (Well, aside from the one that my husband loves where the guys drive the cars in circles for say, 500 laps or so. But, who am I to juge?) But honestly, the play of the day is the absolute same the entire live long day! Why must we watch it again? And again? And again?
I've tried retreating to my bedroom, but then one of two things usually happens. I either fall asleep; or I get pushed over by a cute little 3 1/2 year old who asks to watch Dora on Mommy's TV.
So, what is this post all about you ask? It' all about this, my new Mother's Day/Birthday present. Ta!Da!
Now, before any of you start to leave me a comment wishing me Happy Birthday, don't bother; because my birthday was last November. It's a long story as to why we are where we are with the present purchasing; but I'm all about it because now I can watch TV any time I want to.
You see folks, Lifetime Movie Network was no more for me...only a distant memory. So I had to get creative. First of all, notice that it's mounted under the cabinet. Oh how I can't stand ANYTHING aside from absolute necessities on my countertops. A gift of any sorts, even a TV, that would have to sit on my countertop, would certainly be "the gift that kept on giving" all right...it would constantly give me panick attacks! And also, take note of the small 10 inch screen... a tad small you say? Well, I think it's a stroke of genius! Nothing in the world will make "other people" not want to use your TV like a small screen! Now, it does come with a remote control, but I think I can handle it. And it also has a DVD player, plays CD's and has a radio!
It gives me great pleasure to announce...hello Diane Sawyer, Oprah, all of HGTV and, yes, even the occasional Lifetime Movie Network. It's been way too long since we said our abrupt goodbyes...but I'm back!
Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! And, Happy Birthday to me, even if it is a tad belated!
Face for Grace, Holly
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Happy Birthday
My rock, my confidant and my best friend!Happy Birthday to the best father and husband in the world!
Love,
Holly and Bayli
You might have a problem if...
I have a big confession to make. I adore little girl clothes. They are so adorably cute, and for the most part you can find some really cute things for very reasonable prices.
Let me also say that Jason and I both would prefer to don fig leaves than to spend money on clothes for ourselves, all so that Bayli can be decked out at all times.
And she is officially well aware of this. And she's well aware of her cuteness. And she's well aware of the sheer joy I get when buying her said cute outfits with the perfect bow and matching shoes. And she truly enjoys being the recipient of all of the joy and goodness when recieving some good, new clothes. She is one of the only children I know that gets extremely excited about recieving clothes over toys. She'd rather get a cute pair of shoes than a toy any day of the week. That's my girl!
This weekend we went to several stores, Target, Lowe's, etc. She found something that she loved and admired and just had to have, around every corner. Even in Lowe's! I was amazed at this child of mine who found several things she felt would be a necessary purchase at The Home Imporovement Warehouse! (I think she might be a shopper, what do you think?) Can I tell you how very proud I am? The shopping gene has not only found her, but has apparently been fostered quite well!
However, after the first 80 times that she just had to have something, it sort of lost it's appeal. I was worn down and just plain old tired of telling her no. So, I shared with her the old saying about how money just doesn't grow on trees. Daddy works very hard for the money that we have and God expects us to spend our money wisely. Jason and I both ascribe to a strict budget, and buying our 3 year old a "cute toilet" and "a very nice refrigerator that's we'd all enjoy" just weren't in our budget for the day's shopping excursion! I continued to explain to her that she was blessed that we got to go out to eat that night, and that she'd gotten a candy at the checkout at Target; and quite frankly that was enough. She had plenty of things at home, etc. I wasn't sure exactly how much she understood, but she quit asking, and that was a winner in my book.
So, when I was getting her dressed yesterday, she asked me if she could wear her silver sparkle flip flops tomorrow. (She's also quite obviously a planner, too...but that's another post for another day) Then she informed me that she knows it's very important for her to match, so we probably need to go ahead and get her a silver sparkle shirt. "And then Mommy, I'll probably need a pair of silver sparkle pants too, because that's the only thing that will really match a silver sparkle shirt and silver sparkle flip flops."
Then she looked at me with all seriousness and said, "Mommy, I know that moneys don't grow on trees....but these tings are just important!!"
Alrighty then. What on earth are we going to do when she's 16...or even 6 for that matter?!
Let me also say that Jason and I both would prefer to don fig leaves than to spend money on clothes for ourselves, all so that Bayli can be decked out at all times.
And she is officially well aware of this. And she's well aware of her cuteness. And she's well aware of the sheer joy I get when buying her said cute outfits with the perfect bow and matching shoes. And she truly enjoys being the recipient of all of the joy and goodness when recieving some good, new clothes. She is one of the only children I know that gets extremely excited about recieving clothes over toys. She'd rather get a cute pair of shoes than a toy any day of the week. That's my girl!
This weekend we went to several stores, Target, Lowe's, etc. She found something that she loved and admired and just had to have, around every corner. Even in Lowe's! I was amazed at this child of mine who found several things she felt would be a necessary purchase at The Home Imporovement Warehouse! (I think she might be a shopper, what do you think?) Can I tell you how very proud I am? The shopping gene has not only found her, but has apparently been fostered quite well!
However, after the first 80 times that she just had to have something, it sort of lost it's appeal. I was worn down and just plain old tired of telling her no. So, I shared with her the old saying about how money just doesn't grow on trees. Daddy works very hard for the money that we have and God expects us to spend our money wisely. Jason and I both ascribe to a strict budget, and buying our 3 year old a "cute toilet" and "a very nice refrigerator that's we'd all enjoy" just weren't in our budget for the day's shopping excursion! I continued to explain to her that she was blessed that we got to go out to eat that night, and that she'd gotten a candy at the checkout at Target; and quite frankly that was enough. She had plenty of things at home, etc. I wasn't sure exactly how much she understood, but she quit asking, and that was a winner in my book.
So, when I was getting her dressed yesterday, she asked me if she could wear her silver sparkle flip flops tomorrow. (She's also quite obviously a planner, too...but that's another post for another day) Then she informed me that she knows it's very important for her to match, so we probably need to go ahead and get her a silver sparkle shirt. "And then Mommy, I'll probably need a pair of silver sparkle pants too, because that's the only thing that will really match a silver sparkle shirt and silver sparkle flip flops."
Then she looked at me with all seriousness and said, "Mommy, I know that moneys don't grow on trees....but these tings are just important!!"
Alrighty then. What on earth are we going to do when she's 16...or even 6 for that matter?!
Monday, June 11, 2007
A Few Good Words
For some reason recently, I've been going through a major season of feeling unrest and just fighting the blues. I feel like I could break down and cry at any given moment of the day. I've been unable to share my feelings with anyone. My true, honest to goodness deep down feelings. They've been eating at me, but I've been unable to open up. This is so unusual for me. I normally run to at least the first 10 people I see to dump on them and ask for advice and wanting them to fix everything. I'm as open of a book as they come...normally.
This time, it all just seems so personal. And I think that if I acknowledge my fears and frustrations and worries that it's like giving life to them. I want to continue to have the utmost trust that God knows all and is in control of all; so if I begin to talk about my fears or doubts, then it seems as though I will be doubting God. I've cried to Him in my quiet times and I've prayed, it seems, almost without ceasing; but I only feel better for a short while and then it all comes back again. The heaviness in my chest and tightness in my throat, and fighting back the water well of tears; mixed with all of the questions, fears, doubts, etc that try with all of their might to encompass my brain.
I've been a christian long enough to know that I've got a major battle on my hands. But, it's a battle that I thought I'd already won. Which makes way for even more confusion.
I don't have the answers and have never claimed to either. But, I can say that the more that I seek God, the more that He reveals to me. I love the following verses that I've come across the past few mornings.
Isaiah 55:11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Psalm 5:3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
Psalm 145: 9 God is good to one and all; everything he does is suffused with grace.
13 God always does what he says, and is gracious in everything he does.
14 God gives a hand to those down on their luck, gives a fresh start to those
those ready to quit
16 Generous to a fault, you lavish your favor on all creatures.
17 Everything God does is right— the trademark on all his works is love.
18 God's there, listening for all who pray, for all who pray and mean it.
(I love the book of Psalm! There is nothing like deciding that regardless of how you feel or what you are going through that you are going to press in and praise God anyway. This book gives me a guideline for that.)
I have no fancy ending to this post. No quick fix-all. It just is what it is right now. I have no doubt that I'll make it through. I can only pray that I'll make it through this time a little stronger than last time.
Father God, I come to you right now with heaviness in my heart, as has been the norm for the past few weeks. I have so much on my mind, so many fears and doubts and struggle that I'm trying to make it through. You know everything about everything going on inside my heart and mind. I thank you for speaking to me, I know that I'm not alone...I pray that you continue to speak to me. I'm listening. I promise.
Face for Grace,
Holly
This time, it all just seems so personal. And I think that if I acknowledge my fears and frustrations and worries that it's like giving life to them. I want to continue to have the utmost trust that God knows all and is in control of all; so if I begin to talk about my fears or doubts, then it seems as though I will be doubting God. I've cried to Him in my quiet times and I've prayed, it seems, almost without ceasing; but I only feel better for a short while and then it all comes back again. The heaviness in my chest and tightness in my throat, and fighting back the water well of tears; mixed with all of the questions, fears, doubts, etc that try with all of their might to encompass my brain.
I've been a christian long enough to know that I've got a major battle on my hands. But, it's a battle that I thought I'd already won. Which makes way for even more confusion.
I don't have the answers and have never claimed to either. But, I can say that the more that I seek God, the more that He reveals to me. I love the following verses that I've come across the past few mornings.
Isaiah 55:11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Psalm 5:3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
Psalm 145: 9 God is good to one and all; everything he does is suffused with grace.
13 God always does what he says, and is gracious in everything he does.
14 God gives a hand to those down on their luck, gives a fresh start to those
those ready to quit
16 Generous to a fault, you lavish your favor on all creatures.
17 Everything God does is right— the trademark on all his works is love.
18 God's there, listening for all who pray, for all who pray and mean it.
(I love the book of Psalm! There is nothing like deciding that regardless of how you feel or what you are going through that you are going to press in and praise God anyway. This book gives me a guideline for that.)
I have no fancy ending to this post. No quick fix-all. It just is what it is right now. I have no doubt that I'll make it through. I can only pray that I'll make it through this time a little stronger than last time.
Father God, I come to you right now with heaviness in my heart, as has been the norm for the past few weeks. I have so much on my mind, so many fears and doubts and struggle that I'm trying to make it through. You know everything about everything going on inside my heart and mind. I thank you for speaking to me, I know that I'm not alone...I pray that you continue to speak to me. I'm listening. I promise.
Face for Grace,
Holly
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
It's the little blessings...
The little blessings in life are sometimes the most fun to count.
I was speaking with a friend yesterday who has watched me walk through the past 6 years of trying to grow my family. She hasn't necessarily been a "hands on" sort of friend, so I wouldn't say that she's walked with me, but she's witnessed my ups and downs and recent progress.
Anyway. I was sharing with her what a blessing it was that Bayli has always been so small, until recently that is. When my heart ached for another child, I was always comforted by the fact that her foot was still so tiny. At 1 year old, she was still only in a size 1 shoe. It was remarkable. By 15 months old she finally fit into a size 2 pair of Mary Jane's that I had bought for her right after she was born! I loved the fact that she was short for her age, and was relieved when we'd go to the Dr and find out that she was 35th percentile or 50th percentile. Literally, I could feel relief sweep over my body. She was still little, so I could keep her my baby.
Jason and I were gone all weekend because we had brought the kids from church to camp. Monday we spent all day being lazy; cuddling and sleeping and watching TV. The only productive thing that we did aside from cooking supper was wash some clothes. We were super tired all day, and I have uncovered a pattern that when I'm tired, I have a tendancy to get depressed. We are still waiting for our report from USCIS in New Orleans, and my mind was beginning to let negative thoughts come in about possible delays, etc. I started longing for another baby in the worst sort of way and my heart began to ache. I tried not to allow it to happen, but I began to get depressed about the wait ahead of us and started to pout to God about how we don't deserve this...and on and on it went.
But that night before bed an amazing thing happened. Bayli specifically asked me for some water in a sippy cup. More often than not she drinks from a "big girl cup", but I indulged her wish. Then, we went to sit on the couch for some more snuggle time and she asked me to hold her and feed her like a baby. My initial reaction was to say no, that she's becoming a big girl now and that she shouldn't act like a baby. But then, the thought came to my mind that these moments are fleeting. Maybe, just maybe this was God's way of giving my broken heart a rest for the evening. What harm will it do to cradle my little girl in my arms and "feed" her an inch of water in a sippy cup like it's a bottle? I just don't think that she will be 18 years old and still have this request. I think she'll turn out ok.
So, I did just that. I held her like a baby, and I sang a song to her that I wrote for her when she was born. I used to sing it to her every night, now she sings it to her babies. But, Monday night I got to sing it to her again. And God in all of His infinite wisdom allowed a way for my needs to be met, and it also created some wonderful time for my daughter too.
Such a small little blessing that turned my day around. My heart was ok again, and I was ready to face the road ahead. And more importantly than not, it reminded me that God knows my needs...and He cares about them. He's very intimate and personal...He cares about my desires!
The small blessings certainly do make a difference!
Dear Jesus,
Thank you so much for taking the time to worry about my needs. We're not talking about a necessity here, just a basic little intimate, personal need or desire. God, thank you for loving me in such a personal way! So many times we come to expect big things and great things, so much so that the little things get overlooked. God, I pray that I never fail to count the little blessings in life!
Face for Grace,
Holly
I was speaking with a friend yesterday who has watched me walk through the past 6 years of trying to grow my family. She hasn't necessarily been a "hands on" sort of friend, so I wouldn't say that she's walked with me, but she's witnessed my ups and downs and recent progress.
Anyway. I was sharing with her what a blessing it was that Bayli has always been so small, until recently that is. When my heart ached for another child, I was always comforted by the fact that her foot was still so tiny. At 1 year old, she was still only in a size 1 shoe. It was remarkable. By 15 months old she finally fit into a size 2 pair of Mary Jane's that I had bought for her right after she was born! I loved the fact that she was short for her age, and was relieved when we'd go to the Dr and find out that she was 35th percentile or 50th percentile. Literally, I could feel relief sweep over my body. She was still little, so I could keep her my baby.
Jason and I were gone all weekend because we had brought the kids from church to camp. Monday we spent all day being lazy; cuddling and sleeping and watching TV. The only productive thing that we did aside from cooking supper was wash some clothes. We were super tired all day, and I have uncovered a pattern that when I'm tired, I have a tendancy to get depressed. We are still waiting for our report from USCIS in New Orleans, and my mind was beginning to let negative thoughts come in about possible delays, etc. I started longing for another baby in the worst sort of way and my heart began to ache. I tried not to allow it to happen, but I began to get depressed about the wait ahead of us and started to pout to God about how we don't deserve this...and on and on it went.
But that night before bed an amazing thing happened. Bayli specifically asked me for some water in a sippy cup. More often than not she drinks from a "big girl cup", but I indulged her wish. Then, we went to sit on the couch for some more snuggle time and she asked me to hold her and feed her like a baby. My initial reaction was to say no, that she's becoming a big girl now and that she shouldn't act like a baby. But then, the thought came to my mind that these moments are fleeting. Maybe, just maybe this was God's way of giving my broken heart a rest for the evening. What harm will it do to cradle my little girl in my arms and "feed" her an inch of water in a sippy cup like it's a bottle? I just don't think that she will be 18 years old and still have this request. I think she'll turn out ok.
So, I did just that. I held her like a baby, and I sang a song to her that I wrote for her when she was born. I used to sing it to her every night, now she sings it to her babies. But, Monday night I got to sing it to her again. And God in all of His infinite wisdom allowed a way for my needs to be met, and it also created some wonderful time for my daughter too.
Such a small little blessing that turned my day around. My heart was ok again, and I was ready to face the road ahead. And more importantly than not, it reminded me that God knows my needs...and He cares about them. He's very intimate and personal...He cares about my desires!
The small blessings certainly do make a difference!
Dear Jesus,
Thank you so much for taking the time to worry about my needs. We're not talking about a necessity here, just a basic little intimate, personal need or desire. God, thank you for loving me in such a personal way! So many times we come to expect big things and great things, so much so that the little things get overlooked. God, I pray that I never fail to count the little blessings in life!
Face for Grace,
Holly
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Some More Link Love
I have shared with you before about my friend Amanda and her journey to adopt their little girl, Bella, from Guatemala. She has been through so much over the past 6 years leading up to this place in her life, and this adoption process has tested her and her family to the core. I would like to ask for all of you to go here to check out the latest in their adoption process. And please, please pray!! God is still in the miracle working business! And I know that He wants to unite this sweet little baby with her forever family. Let's pray that the judge will rule in their favor and sign off on their papers so they can go get their little girl and soon!
For you are great and perform wonderful deeds. You alone are God. Psalm 86:10
Father God, I thank you for your wonderful deeds. You alone are God. How on earth can we even begin to argue with that? God, I know that you have Amanda and Bella in your hands. God, we pray right now for favor with the Family Court judge in Guatemala. God, prick his heart with a sense of urgency to sign off on this adoption paperwork! We thank you in advance that it is done soon!
Face for Grace,
Holly
For you are great and perform wonderful deeds. You alone are God. Psalm 86:10
Father God, I thank you for your wonderful deeds. You alone are God. How on earth can we even begin to argue with that? God, I know that you have Amanda and Bella in your hands. God, we pray right now for favor with the Family Court judge in Guatemala. God, prick his heart with a sense of urgency to sign off on this adoption paperwork! We thank you in advance that it is done soon!
Face for Grace,
Holly
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